The mother of a deceased military medic told how she “learned to live again”

Marina Sedneva is a simple Russian woman from Bryansk who lived the ordinary life of a mother, wife and businesswoman. “I thought only about myself and my children, so that everything would be stable and good for us,” she said during our meeting. It all started with the dream of the eldest son Dmitry to become a doctor. Then – studying at the Military Medical Academy, Military Medical Academy and the same irreparable thing, after which the mother began daily work on herself in order to learn to live without her eldest son…

“They started making a man out of a major”

— Dima wanted to become a military surgeon since the 6th grade. For a long time, I didn’t take his desire to become a doctor seriously – I thought that he was still small and would change his mind a hundred times. How many people at that age dreamed of becoming something? But three years later, he began intensively preparing for admission and firmly decided to apply to medical school. Dima graduated from school with a silver medal, and two weeks later he was waiting for the KMB – a young fighter course, forced marches and the S.M. Kirov Military Medical Academy in St. Petersburg.

And then – an oil painting: my big boy, accustomed to the fact that his mother always brought him branded items from abroad, packs a bag of fashionable clothes, puts on his favorite moccasins, gets into his dad’s car and is completely unaware that an adult, a man’s woman is waiting for him , responsible and completely different life in the Northern capital…

Steadily, once a week, when they were allowed to take the phone, the whining began: “Take me away from here, I want to be a doctor, but I cut the grass.” I told him: “What did you want, my boy?” But in fact, all these months I was crying: I was alone, I was sad, I was very worried about him. But by my husband and I’s next visit, he had calmed down, gotten used to it and decided that now he wouldn’t leave his boys. He said that he would be a cadet.

In general, they began to make a man out of the major at the academy, as it should be in the army. Then Covid started, they graduated earlier than expected, early, and he went to Tula to serve in the medical company of the 51st Airborne Regiment. And then the SVO…

At the beginning of February 2022, my son announced that he was going to training in Belarus. I then immediately realized that there would be a military conflict, but Dima didn’t believe me, or maybe he just didn’t want to talk to me about this topic.

“Mom, I probably won’t come back…”

— How did you react to his departure?

— On February 23, Dima said that he would be unavailable, and in the morning the SVO began. 33 painful days of obscurity and hopelessness. This is where my nerves and tears began, I cried every day. My friends reassured me, they said, “okay, he’s a doctor, he’s standing in the rear in the hospital, everything’s fine with him…”

And I knew, I felt that there was no hospital. Because I’ve already heard about a guy who is a doctor who, under fire on the front line, saves his comrades, drags them from the battlefield, and heals them.

And suddenly a call. On March 27, my son called and said that he was alive and well, dreaming of a home and wanted to see us all. On March 30, the train will be passing through Bryansk. The happiness was limitless.

My sister, my husband, and Dima’s fiancée were looking forward to our meeting. We met at the Bryansk-2 station.

I didn’t recognize my son! The hair is uncut, some kind of thin, skinny boy – not my Dimochka at all. And there he was: his head was half-grey, he was smiling, and there was grayness and pain in his eyes. The first thing he said was: “I can’t believe you’re next to me right now.” My sister’s husband joked, like, let’s steal you, and Dmitry said in a fatherly way: “What are you talking about! I won’t leave my boys, where will they go without me?”

He quickly grew up, from a boy he turned into a person who, for example, could enjoy a high-quality medical tourniquet. “Mom,” he says, “look how good the tourniquet is!” What kind of plaster does it stop the bleeding immediately? What are they made of? Mom, it’s all such nonsense, happiness is washing your hands once a day.”

He boasted to us about his trophies, and when it was time to say goodbye, he quietly told me: “Mom, I probably won’t come back…”

– Why did he say that? Did you feel it?

– Who knows! Maybe he felt, or maybe he knew what was coming to him. Before being rotated to the front line, he saved many lives. And many died in his arms. I didn’t get hysterical or cry in front of my son. As the mother of an officer, I needed to behave with dignity. I told him that everything would be fine and that I would pray for him. We had just driven away when Dimulechka wrote me an honest message: “Honestly, I really want to return to normal life. I was very glad to see you, I honestly didn’t even realize that we were able to see each other just now. Mom, don’t worry, everything will be fine with me, everything will always be fine with me.”

For some time, the guys with their doctor, a guard lieutenant, were in Valuyki. We were able to get some sleep in sleeping bags under a stretched tarpaulin.

There were heavy battles where Dima was sent. There weren’t enough doctors. At that moment, their platoon had completed its mission, while the other, on the contrary, was just entering. How he behaved there, the guy whom Dimka saved later told me: “How he ended up nearby, I have no idea. The shelling began, I flew away and was motionless, femoral artery, serious bleeding, 40 seconds to save. Your son deftly and skillfully stopped the bleeding, threw me onto his shoulders and dragged me one and a half kilometers from the shelling zone. He brought it, and there were three more wounded guys. The doctor put us all to bed, left the paramedic with us, and went back into that smoke… Unfortunately, the paramedic died before my eyes, and two weeks later I found out that Dima had died.”

I don’t know whether my son died that day or the next, and I’ve heard many versions of his death. I think that on April 21, while rescuing wounded soldiers, Dima received a shrapnel wound. The same femoral artery, which Dima had no one to bandage. Comrades who came later, for the anniversary, said that someone was crawling up to him, and he responded: “I’m fine, go save others.”

— What did they talk about before leaving? Was there fear?

“He never shared his fears and, like a man, could not show weakness. And to my husband I wrote only the phrase: “What will happen, will happen…” But, of course, only fools are not afraid, and here, I think, there is more the courage of the lieutenant and the vocation of a doctor than courage or not courage.

After a while, I talked to a person who is well trained in tactical medicine, and he said that Dimka most likely said “I’m fine,” because he understood that he could no longer be saved and during this time he could manage to save someone who had a different problem. And he, feeling and understanding that he would die, still did not step back.

“I started working on myself”

And then I have a black ribbon and a huge resentment towards him for refusing help and not thinking not only about himself, but also about us. I was offended by my son for a very long time, and after a heart attack I began to seriously work on myself.

I decided that it was given to me from above to still live, which means I will serve the people and my country. I was invited to the Committee of Families of Soldiers of the Fatherland in Bryansk. It was created to help military personnel participating in the Northern Military District. I thought that I couldn’t help my child in any way, so I will help others.

On the committee, I began to support mothers and wives who have sons and husbands in the North Military District. She said to herself: Dimka is a worthy and great person, not just capable of feats, but who did these feats. And you, Marina, will never reach his heights, then you need to at least just follow in the footsteps of your son. And today, in addition to the committee, I am also a student at the Bryansk Medical College.

— What do you tell women, how do you support them?

— How can I help mothers and wives who are grieving or waiting for their men? I gather them at the headquarters for a conversation, tea, conversations with the priest. For example, on December 2, on the eve of Heroes of the Fatherland Day, a meeting was organized in the cafe, there was a memorial dinner, an acquaintance with each family, and the presentation of memorial signs. We wrote letters to the guys at the front. We also organize various holidays for children. The photo exhibition “The Hero’s Wife” was recently opened in Bryansk. Such simple and so necessary things for these women.

I always explain that husbands and sons who are on the front line hardly like their tears and experiences, so you need to live: do your hair, makeup and manicure and, of course, raise your children so that they are the same as their fathers.

I explain that their husbands and sons carry out the tasks assigned by the commander-in-chief, and their task is to pray and be balanced here so that the men can calmly carry out their duty there. Of course, there’s no getting around worrying about your family, but at least for a while it will be easier for the woman psychologically, she will find understanding, sympathy and care.

At first, the colors around me were also black. And today I put on white and yellow, trying to set an example for these women. During my studies, Dimka was a rare guest at home, but I always prepared for his arrival, because I knew that he loved it and would appreciate it, he always said: “Mommy, you are the most beautiful, I never doubted you.”

— Probably the most difficult conversation with those whose son or husband died?

– This is a completely different conversation. I say her son is a hero of the country. That he is in God’s army, because as soon as a boy dies on the battlefield, he lights up like a candle – and immediately into the sky. This man becomes a saint because he gave his life for his friends. There were women who literally came black, then I talked to them several times, and they already called and said: “Marinochka, I miss you, I want to see you…”

— Do your husband and youngest son support you?

“The younger Kolya was very worried. I was even jealous for some time, because I was all in grief, I didn’t want to play with him, go for walks, etc. He came to me, and I told him, “Move away, I feel bad.” Now he and I often go to events together, I take him to church with me, we write letters to our soldiers and pass them on to the military. My husband also started to get involved, and together we carry humanitarian aid.

For some time I was offended by my husband: I’m in grief, and he said, “Well, that’s enough already.” I told him that, of course, this is not your son (he is Dima’s stepfather). But then at the school where Dimka studied, they hung a memorial plaque, and Dima’s teacher told me that “his father came, stood on his knees and cried near the board,” and I told her – this is not his father, this is my Andrey, Dimka’s stepfather… So he was also terribly worried.

“People started getting mad and unsubscribing”

— How did your friends react to grief?

– Everyone was shocked. They said: time heals. Many wrote condolences, but many were also afraid. And then, a few months later, they asked how things were and said: let me come and cry together. But why do I need them a few months later, when I’m already learning to live on my own? Do you know how unpleasant it is when you cry at your son’s grave, and the mother of your youngest son’s classmate walks by, sighs and says: “Yeah, I wish I could understand why?” How can you tell me this? Are you seriously asking this question in front of my son, who saved more than 100 lives in 56 days of a special military operation?

When Dima died, people gasped: how can I continue to live now? And I stood up and started saying: “For victory, let’s help!” Some people started to get angry and unfollow friends. That is, it is better for them to see me gray-haired and drooping. Someone even told me: “You are now successful with us.” Certainly! Bury your son, become “successful” like me. Put on my boots and walk my path, and then you will ask whether I am really such a patriot.

If my beloved son went for his friends, without violating either the oath, or the oath, or the order of the commander, then I want to be worthy of his feat. I don’t need anything else. I want there to be respect for the dead and for my youngest son to have a happy future, and let him live for two – for himself and for his brother. So today I load myself up so much that I have no time to breathe. I always have no time.

—What other feeling do you live with?

“I live in hope that the Lord will allow me to meet my son and that he will someday meet me at the gates of heaven, and for this we need to strive to live without despondency.” Dejection is a sin. Live without hatred, without curses and try to do good deeds as much as possible. Today I planted grain – tomorrow it will produce seeds. Happiness is no longer about me. I try to live as before, but it won’t work out as before. I want a large stele to be erected for our boys a little later in Bryansk; they didn’t come for medals or money. I still have a lot to do…

I think that we are all born for a reason and everyone has their own destiny. As I understand, we do not belong to ourselves, but to something higher. Therefore, I want mothers, no matter how much they love their sons, to understand that we are not giving birth to them for ourselves. If you are the mother of a boy, then he is a warrior and protector. But there is no point in hiding your sons: how is your son different from mine? He is the same boy, not iron, not metal. Those who are hiding, let them be happy, I cannot blame them. But this is not their country…