How to save children from bouts of aggression: step by step instructions

What is it: the usual spring exacerbation? Flat explanation, giving nothing to the mind or heart. Of course, in each specific case, it is up to competent specialists to understand the causes of what happened: doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, speech pathologists. But, firstly, not all schools have medical, psychological and pedagogical services for accompanying children and adolescents. At best, the only combat unit dedicated to the prevention of child aggression is the long-suffering school psychologist. Why long-suffering? Because according to the standard, his workload is up to five hundred children (!) per specialist. We add here his obligations to fill out the relevant documentation. So it should be recognized that his mission in today’s conditions is impossible. Administrative calls from above, reduced to recommendations to increase vigilance by increasing attention to each child, sound only like good wishes.

The natural question in such circumstances is: what to do? Do not sit idly by, stating the general misfortune. It seems to me that there are purely pedagogical methods for the prevention of child and adolescent aggression. Of course, each such case is unique in its own way and requires the mobilization of all the professional knowledge of the teacher and the inclusion of his creative intuition. Nevertheless, there is a general technique for solving this literally bleeding problem. It makes sense to acquaint teachers, school psychologists and parents with this technique, without whose union we will not be able to save children.

Let’s look at step-by-step pedagogical actions.

Step one: network monitoring. Today, even fifth-graders have their own chats and telegram channels. Modern information technology allows you to control this children’s content. Who can and should do this? School administration, school psychologist, parents of children and teenagers. The last ones come first. For the time being, everything was fine with the child, and suddenly everything changed overnight: the child does not sleep at night, refuses to go to school, demands that he be transferred to home schooling. Why all of a sudden? It is quite obvious that school bullying (harassment) of the child has begun.

Step two: In such a situation, it is time for parents to sound the alarm and, without waiting for trouble, run headlong to school. It would seem that this is obvious. Alas, in practice we see a different picture. Earning money at three jobs, tired parents, returning late at night from work, are primarily interested in the progress of their children (the electronic journal allows you to keep abreast of the current grades of the child). At best, dads, and more often moms, control homework. The psychological state of the child remains out of their field of attention.

Step three: trust specialists (psychologists, teachers) who have many years of experience in resolving children’s conflicts. At the same time, it is impossible to speak frankly about the psychological atmosphere in the family, without which it is not possible to understand the underlying causes of the outbreak of child aggression.

Now let’s turn to specific examples. The fifth-grader girls of a good gymnasium class began to poison the guy in their chat. Do not hesitate to use profanity. Why be surprised? The school, as Korczak wrote, is not on the moon. On the streets, and sometimes in the family, they hear and, on occasion, use unprintable expressions.

The boy is a typical introvert, somewhat self-absorbed child. And he’s also a perfectionist. When he gets a B, tears well up in his eyes. Not because he is afraid of the reproaches of his parents, but simply because he is used to doing everything to the maximum. He has such a character.

The leader of the bullying is a girl, which is obvious from her posts. Following her, several suggestible classmates are included in the persecution. But not all. It is important. A number of girls who have a trusting relationship with their parents show these obscene messages to them. Outraged, intelligent parents appeal to the school administration with a demand to stop these outrages. The administrator invites the mother of the girl who organized the bullying to the school. At first, she refuses to believe in such behavior of her daughter. It can’t be, because it can never be. The child excels in all subjects. What more could you want? But in the hands of the administrator irrefutable evidence. These are screenshots with relevant texts provided by parents of other students. Reluctantly, the mother agrees that an experienced school psychologist will work with her child. (Note in parentheses that without the consent of the parents, we do not have the right to deploy such work.)

The next day, the psychologist enters the battle. First of all, it is necessary to organize interaction with children in their zone of proximal development. An excellent material for such a conversation is Andersen’s fairy tale “The Ugly Duckling”.

– Children, who is familiar with this fairy tale? (In response, a forest of hands.)

– Do you remember how at first everyone mocked the ugly duckling, but in the end it turned into a beautiful swan. (Nod their heads.)

– And what does this fairy tale have to do with the situation that has developed in your class? (They lower their heads. But a minute later, the girl whose indignant mother brought a screenshot of an indecent post to school takes the floor.)

– We acted badly towards Volodya. (Child’s name has been changed.)

– And what to do now?

— Apologize.

– Right, but where is the guarantee that such situations will not be repeated in the future? What will be the proposals?

They are silent. And then one of the girls offers to come up with a code of conduct in the classroom, write it down. Let everyone put their signature. No wonder they are high school students who have mastered the skills of writing. (By the way, compiling and editing such a document is a serious creative task.) Meanwhile, the dialogue with the children continues.

“I’m glad you all reached an understanding. But as soon as we speak frankly, let’s admit who and how many times took part in the persecution of a comrade. Show with the fingers of your right hand.

And then there was an important discovery. One of the girls raised one index finger. “What are you lying,” the children cried, “you did it three times.” In an instant, it turned out that the girl, whom we initially suspected of organizing bullying, spoke twice in the chat, and the other girl three times. So justice was restored, to the satisfaction of the mother of the imaginary organizer. She defended herself by saying that her daughter was less guilty than others. Although in such situations the scale “more – less” does not work.

At the end of the conversation, the psychologist suggests having a “bank of trust” in the classroom for the future. This is a simple glass jar, where it will be necessary to drop plain white pieces of paper without inscriptions. For what? But why. If a similar situation in the classroom repeats, filling the jar will be a danger signal. And then you should re-read the jointly developed code of conduct in the class, under which all those present signed. At the same time, you don’t need to write someone’s surnames on pieces of paper, because denunciation is a great sin.

But the deepest reason for the girl’s aggression surfaced in a confidential conversation between a psychologist and a child. Her parents live in a two-story cottage near Moscow. And they hardly communicate with each other. Thus, the girl psychologically found herself between the floors. Her aggressive outburst is the result of loneliness in the family!

Step four: overcoming by parents of their adult complexes within family discord in the interests of a common child.

…A theater festival was approaching, where the class staged The Tale of Tsar Saltan. Oh great Pushkin! He is our everything, and everything can be found from him. Including: fabulous bullying and slander on the queen of the matchmaker. The girl in this dramatization plays one of the main roles. The relationship between spouses may be different, but the child is not at all to blame for this. They suggested that dad and mom come to the premiere and give the girl bouquets of flowers to applause. I was at the play. Alas, they did not come. This means that new problems lie ahead.

Meanwhile, we have before us the filigree work of a professional to resolve the conflict. But she worked with girls.

Another situation is a mirror image: here seventh grade boys bullied a girl. So I had to take over the trial. The steps to overcome the conflict are the same.

The class teacher invited five guys to me. A challenge to the carpet to the director is a serious matter. But I immediately warned that I had called not for punishment, but for a male conversation. I am giving it in summary.

– Raise your hands, those who have a mother. (All raised.)

– Raise your hands, those who have a grandmother. (All again.)

Who has sisters?

Two people nod. I turn to them: “Would you protect the sisters if someone began to poison them?” They nod their heads.

– You, as men, must understand: girls, women are woven from a special matter, they have a fragile nervous system, and our male task is to protect them. Do you agree?

Yes, we understand and apologize to her.

— Please, in my presence at the next break.

At the next break, the guys enter the office with the girl.

And I have a new question for you. Which came first: the chicken or the egg?

– What are you up to?

– And to the fact that both sides are usually to blame in the conflict. I’m talking to a girl. Admit it, you wrote them nasty notes?

– Yes.

– This, of course, does not justify the guys, but you are also not white-fluffy. In short, today I am playing the role of Leopold the cat. Guys, let’s continue to live together.

They leave the office laughing.

Have all the problems of this conflict been resolved? If. The fact is that the girl’s father threatened the guy in the corridor of the school that he would be “killed”. The boy’s parents filed a complaint with the police against him. He responded by filing a similar application against the boy’s parents.

Meanwhile, the children have already reconciled. The best way out is for the boy’s dad to admit that he, being in an excited state, got excited, and apologize to the teenager. Will it be enough for this? Not sure.