How I was almost awarded a literary medal
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Call.
– Hello! Is this Maria Petrovna Ivanova? Writer?
– Yeees…
And I thought, since the number is unfamiliar, now they will again offer a free examination of the whole body, a discount for pensioners. It almost slipped my mind that I think about all the water meter checkers, osteochondrosis doctors, window frame inserters, and vision examiners.
— You are being harassed by the most important Writers’ Union. Are you a member?
– Yeees…
And I thought that everyone there had forgotten about me a long time ago, since my contributions were very small, due to disability (thank God, not a disability).
— The Council of the Union decided to award you the Big Gold Medal for your services in literature!
And I thought… No, really, it was a good year. Several books have been published. In publishing houses, and not at your own expense, sorry. And there was also a victory. A big victory in a very, very good competition! Really…
It even warmed my heart. Union! Writers! I remembered that I exist! That somehow I also have books! There are victories! Can’t be!!! And I!.. I thought badly about them! I thought they didn’t remember anyone there… And they didn’t remember me either. Only paid competitions are held. Aw thanks to them!
— You must come to the office. There will be a short meeting there. You will tell us about yourself. You will be immediately awarded a diploma… in a walnut frame. And they will present you with a medal. And they will take a photo for the social network with the Chief Writer of the Union!
– Should I bring books… books?
– Not necessary.
And I thought… Well, okay.
– Thank you! Thanks a lot! I’ll come! Necessarily!
– Wait! One more nuance. You must bring with you a charitable contribution of 5,000 rubles.
– A?
– Charitable. Contribution. 5000 rubles.
– Wait, as far as I understand, charitable means voluntary…
– Don’t pretend, Marya Petrovna… that you don’t understand.
– What if I don’t bring the contribution?
“Then don’t come, you won’t be rewarded.”
– And this… merits in literature?
– Don’t pretend. So should you be added to the list or not?
And I thought…
How can I live now without a diploma in a walnut frame, without a Big Gold Medal worth 250 rubles…
How to live anyway?
Please answer me, guys, specialists in free examination of the whole body, discount for pensioners. Water meter checkers, osteochondrosis doctors, window frame inserters and vision examiners.
Now I sit and cry. About what, I don’t understand myself. What am I mourning? The tear is natural, but it’s time to end…
Tatiana Shiposhina
It dawned on me
– Experience is good, but a rake is more intelligible!
– Some people burn at work, while others warm their hands at it.
– Debts are like other people’s children: they grow unnoticed!
– When moving mountains, the main thing is not to trip over a pebble.
– Healthy food has unhealthy prices.
Victor Ivanov
***
– Gradually, the telephone numbers of pleasant and attractive people are being replaced by the telephone numbers of necessary and very necessary doctors.
– Some, upon closer acquaintance, decrease in size.
Vladimir Kismereshkin
Head of the column Dzhanguli Gvilava, e-mail: [email protected]
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