The psychologist warned about the consequences of school bullying: “Leads to depression and suicide”

Recently, cases of aggression, fights and even stabbings among schoolchildren have become more frequent. The reason most often is bullying, which some children subject others to. Unfortunately, teacher bullying is also found in schools, as is assault.

About how to deal with school bullying and what kind of delayed danger bullying poses, “MK” talked with systemic family psychotherapist Ekaterina Shabelskaya.

“Someone remembers school years with nostalgia, and someone dreams of erasing this period from memory, but it doesn’t work,” says Shabelskaya. – The mockery of classmates and the hostile attitude of teachers can hurt so deeply and undermine self-esteem that even having matured, a person cannot let go of the situation. It is difficult for him to communicate with others, because inside there is a fear of being misunderstood and rejected. Painful memories poison life even many years after graduation.

– There was no such word, but bullying in schools has always been …

– Yes, it is difficult to find a school team in which the problem of bullying would not arise. This term refers to the oppression of the child by other children and teachers. Bullying can manifest itself in the form of physical violence – a student is pushed, beaten, taken away or his things are spoiled. Adults quickly notice such bullying and try to stop it. But more often the aggressors use psychological influence: they give the victim offensive nicknames, ridicule or ignore. Physically, no one touches the child, but he constantly feels humiliated. Prolonged emotional abuse causes much more damage than bruises and abrasions.

– Any child can become a victim of such oppression?

– Victims of bullying are children who are unable to resolutely fight back and defend themselves due to their character, lack of life experience and physical capabilities. The aggressors are usually classmates who want to assert themselves at the expense of the weak. Being emotionally immature, they do not realize how cruel they act. After all, the concept of violence is blurred in our country – it is customary to apply it in relation to physical impact. Therefore, many children believe that if a person is not beaten or maimed, nothing serious has happened. Moral damage is not taken into account. The behavior of schoolchildren is also influenced by teenage subcultures that call for striving for leadership, demonstrating superiority and subjugating those who are weaker.

– What about teacher bullying then?

– Yes, children are not always the instigators of bullying. There are common cases when school bullying is provoked by those who should fight it – teachers. Recently, in a Russian school, a teacher gave the children the task of “naming bad classmates” in order to make a wall newspaper called “shame board.” In another educational institution, a teacher forcibly removed makeup from a teenage girl. There was also an episode when the teacher forced the boy to brush his teeth right in the classroom to punish him for foul language. Such methods of education are unacceptable, since they publicly humiliate the child and inflict psychological trauma on him. Allowing himself rude actions and derogatory comments about the student, the teacher creates an unhealthy psychological climate in the classroom.

– In what cases does bullying hurt a child more?

– If the situation occurs in the lower grades, the children quickly adopt the negative attitude of the teacher and begin to poison the “objectionable” classmate. After all, the class teacher in elementary school is perceived as an indisputable authority. A schoolchild who has become the object of teacher hostility does not understand its reasons and considers himself to be guilty of everything. Loss of interest in activities, the child loses confidence in others and self-confidence. He cannot change the situation on his own. This problem, if not solved in time, can lead to disastrous consequences – from a complete loss of learning motivation to the onset of anxiety and depressive disorders.

Older children experience tactless remarks and teacher bias just as painfully. They are at an age when it is extremely important to be accepted by their peers. If a teacher humiliates a teenager in front of the class, the student feels shamed, feels fear, anger and resentment. Worst of all, when the teacher’s caustic phrases are accompanied by the laughter of classmates. Unable to be in a hostile team, the child begins to skip school. Youthful maximalism paints the picture of the world in gloomy tones: a teenager suffers and does not believe that life will ever get better. Constant tension and depressive thoughts can push a student to a fatal step – a lot of teenage suicides are due to bullying.

Does the parent always need to intervene? Or “he will sort it out himself” – so many still think …

– Unfortunately, children are often silent about problems with teachers and classmates, hoping to solve them on their own. Some schoolchildren are afraid that adult intervention will only aggravate the situation. Parents should take this into account and be very attentive to children. It is important not to miss the following alarming “calls”:

• the child comes home from school with bruises, damaged things, dirty or torn clothes and does not give a clear explanation of what happened;

• avoids team games and group activities;

• tries to skip classes – skips classes, is constantly late, feigns illness;

• does not have permanent friends, does not invite anyone to visit, avoids contact with other children during breaks and tries to stay close to adults;

• afraid to answer at the blackboard in front of the class;

• loses appetite, suffers from nightmares and headaches;

• Intentionally harms himself, such as deliberately cutting himself.

– What is the correct reaction if parents suspect that the child is being bullied at school?

– The first thing to do is to try to “talk” the child. To do this, it is necessary to create a warm and trusting atmosphere in the family. Try not to scold your son or daughter for bad grades, find time for additional games and heart-to-heart conversations. Ask gently about relationships with teachers and classmates. Listen carefully to him and try to remain calm, even if the story causes a storm of negative emotions. The child must be sure that he will always find acceptance and support with you.

The next step is to visit the school and talk to the teacher. No matter how strong your desire to protect the child is, it is better to refrain from aggressive showdowns. Try to establish contact with the teacher, find out how he sees the current situation and offer your help. Perhaps you will learn something new about the behavior of your son or daughter.

Having studied the problem from different angles, you can begin to solve it. Your main goal is to help your child become part of the school community and build self-esteem. It should be explained what exactly in his behavior causes the hostility of others – for example, snitching, tearfulness, boasting, greed. It is also worth talking about the qualities that are valued in the school society and help to develop them. You can “play” problem situations with your child in advance in order to form certain behavioral algorithms. This will prepare the student for different scenarios, give him confidence and calmness.