The mother of the girl who died in the “Winter Cherry” adopted the boy: “I don’t drive to the cinema”

Elena Teslenko lost her 9-year-old daughter in a terrible fire. Together with the girl, her father, at that time already Elena’s ex-husband, died.

“There are no colors in the “after” life. It’s like a black and white photo. But the white there is not white, but rather gray. There is no joy, no happiness and no choice, ”Elena left such a post on the social network on the next anniversary of the tragedy.

– Of all the families who buried their loved ones, only two people agreed to talk to me. Do people want to forget what happened?

– Everyone has their reasons. Perhaps someone once again does not want to remember … Any interview is an extra painful reminder. And when you start talking, it becomes even more painful.

– Psychologists believe that every tragedy has a statute of limitations. Does it get easier after five years?

– Such a tragedy cannot have a statute of limitations. Yes, they say that after a year it lets go a little. But in fact it is not so.

It’s been five years since my child is gone. It doesn’t get any easier. Not a drop. Only harder.

In the first year, I lived in a state of shock, from which I could not move away for a long time. There was a lack of understanding of how such a thing could happen. It was as if I had been pulled out of life and thrown somewhere. With each subsequent year, the understanding came that this was inevitable and we had to somehow live on. The pain was different, but no weaker than in the first year.

Every year, when March comes, I start counting down the clock. I don’t know if you will understand. But I feel like I’m back in that time again. Since the first of March, I have been counting how many days my daughter has left to live. So many days today, so many tomorrow, the day after tomorrow… And so on until March 25.

It’s hard to go through any dates, whether it’s your daughter’s birthday, September 1 … These days you experience pain more acutely. Well, March is a separate month, the most terrible.

– Do you still remember the events of that day?

– It cannot be erased from memory. I sometimes dream of those events, I often scroll through them in my head. In ordinary life, I get a little distracted, I try not to think about it, but any mention of the tragedy works as a trigger. And you are there again.

I remember looking for my people in hospitals, although their names had already appeared on the lists of missing persons. But I still hoped that I would find them alive. I thought maybe their phones fell out, they can’t call or something else.

I still cannot fully imagine what my child experienced at that moment. Although psychologists explained to us that death occurs quickly in such a fire, people do not understand anything.

In fact, people understood everything. At the trial, transcripts of telephone conversations of those who were inside the shopping center were read to us. They called relatives, most of the calls came to the Ministry of Emergency Situations. In addition to telephone conversations, voices in the background were also deciphered. It’s insanely scary. From those conversations, it became obvious – even small children understood that they were dying.

– On the site of a burned-out shopping center, the Park of Angels was broken. Do you go there?

– No. And those victims with whom I communicate do not walk either. Even when I’m driving around the city, I always choose a route so as not to drive close to that place. I’m only going there on March 25th. On this day, a memorial service for the dead and the laying of flowers are held in the chapel.

“This year, convicts will begin to go free”

– The court lasted more than three years. Did you go to all meetings?

– Almost everything. I attended the interrogations of all witnesses, suspects, almost all the victims whose relatives died. She attended the verdict.

– Which of the convicts do you blame the most?

– Each convict has his own degree of guilt, and it has been proven. There was a chain of monstrous violations that led to the tragedy. But for myself, I single out firefighters. Because at that moment I was near the Winter Cherry, I saw how the building was on fire, but it was not extinguished. Heard the interrogations of the firemen. Now I understand that people could be saved. At least those who were at the emergency exit. But for this, adequate measures were not taken.

Did the firefighters themselves plead guilty?

– They not only didn’t recognize it, they consider themselves heroes. They openly said that if the situation repeated itself, they would behave in exactly the same way. But anyway, if you didn’t do what you could, it’s your fault. At least you acknowledge it. Or just apologize. And these people looked at us indifferently, their colleagues spoke impartially about us, insulted women who had lost their grandchildren and children. It’s low. After the verdict was passed, none of them apologized to us.

Did the rest of the convicts apologize?

– There were some apologies. Suddenok (co-owner of Winter Cherry) partially admitted her guilt. But I don’t know how sincere her remorse was. More like a desire to commute the sentence. This is how it looked. Judging by the words that the defendants uttered, many had a complete misunderstanding of what their fault was.

– Still continues the trial of employees of the Ministry of Emergency Situations. Do you attend these meetings?

– I don’t go. I left almost three years of my life in the courts. I don’t know why I went there at all. Maybe I thought justice would prevail and I would feel better. But it actually got harder. Because I understand that already this year some convicts will be released. Lord firefighters will be released. Genin (firefighter, sentenced to 5 years in prison) will continue to live well. He has family and children with him. And he has absolutely no remorse or regret. And no one will return my child. And my life, too, will not return, which was broken in one day.

And so what’s the point of going to court now? To say to the defendants: “Do you understand what you did?”. They still won’t understand.

As a child, we were told about the brave firefighters, the police. They were presented as heroes. And now the understanding has come – well, no. These people go to work, receive money and say: “We also have children, we also want to live.” These are the words that sounded on the day of the tragedy from the lips of firefighters, when we begged them to do at least something.

– Relatives of the victims were paid decent compensation. Are you satisfied?

– How can a child’s life be evaluated by compensation? I’d rather go into wild debt, just give me back the baby. At that time, this money only gave me the opportunity to live. Because I couldn’t work. What happened was so knocked out of my life that I, like a blind kitten, did not understand what was happening.

– Do you think that all those responsible for the tragedy were in the dock?

– I think not all. But maybe I won’t talk about it…

“I keep a briefcase, notebooks, my daughter’s clothes”

– Do the families of the victims communicate with each other?

– There are families with whom we maintain relations. We used to meet often. Now we cross less often, everyone has their own life, affairs. But we are always in touch. Third-party people will never understand the pain that we will experience until our last breath.

– Many families keep things of dead children at home, have the child’s room been kept in the same form as it was five years ago?

– I also have all things safe and sound. My daughter’s toys are in the room, her things are hanging in the closet. Briefcase, notebooks, plasticine, phone… I can’t put them away or give them away. I still have the feeling that she will be back.

Psychologists advised to get rid of them, and it will be easier. Tried several times. Does not work. I’m sure it won’t get any easier anyway. And when her things are nearby, I feel calmer.

– The day after the tragedy, I flew to Kemerovo. I saw cameramen, journalists crying – they were all adult men …

– I believe. All the people who somehow came into contact with this tragedy were in a wild shock. I still have before my eyes the faces of the investigators who came to Kemerovo from all over Russia. I remember when I took the child’s things, their hands were shaking, there were tears in their eyes. Weeping healthy men. They didn’t know what to tell us. They were ready to do anything to somehow alleviate our condition.

– Do you often go to the cemetery?

– Often. The dead children were not buried in one common area. Everyone has their own place. But on March 25, we all cross paths at the cemetery.

– There is an impression that the tragedy of “Winter Cherry” is forgotten in society?

– Such is the nature of man. We try to distance ourselves from any tragedy because it hurts. After all, one way or another, you try on someone else’s grief on yourself.

After the death of my daughter, I adopted a child. When I was studying at the school of foster parents, there was a conversation about the “Winter Cherry”. By that time, only six months had passed since the fire. And one woman nervously threw: “Yes, you have already got how much you can repeat about this“ Winter Cherry ”. I kept silent. But even then there was an understanding that people were tired, as it were, enough already.

Sometimes tourists come to Kemerovo, and they do not know where the Park of Angels came from in the city, what used to be in that place. Everyone just walks around without thinking. I’ve come across this several times when adult women posted stupid photos from the park on social networks and left a comment: “Who said you can’t fool around here?”.

After that fire, I hardly go to shopping centers. If I find myself there, I always look where the exit is located and how I can get out of here if something happens.

It is important to me that such madness does not happen again. Therefore, as much as necessary, as much as I will talk about this tragedy. Although, perhaps, it is easier for someone to remain silent, to say: leave me alone.

– Why did you decide to adopt a child, because you still have an older daughter?

– Sitting at home was unbearable, I couldn’t work, my head couldn’t think. And I got a job as a volunteer in the baby’s home. There she met her son. He is now 6 years old. In all these years, I have never taken him to the movies. And I have no idea how and when I can overcome this fear …