Married to a Turk: Russian women spoke about the changes in families after the start of SVO

“Now all our Russian friends are divided into two groups: some want to move to us, while others are calling to Russia,” 42-year-old Elena answers the question (name changed – Auth.) – a Russian wife who has lived in a marriage with a Turk and in his homeland for almost 10 years. – There are no changes between my husband and I, we are no longer newlyweds, in order to change our attitude towards each other under the influence of something or someone from the outside. Another thing is that the memos that were supplied to Russian brides going for the Turks, in the light of new realities, should be read the other way around.

– Like this?

– All the advice of women’s publications to Russian wives of Turks is no good today. Open at random, everywhere the same thing: take into account patriarchal traditions, do not contradict your husband, do not try to convince him, do not argue with your mother-in-law, do not involve children, work and social activity are undesirable, etc.

Actually, everything has been like this for me for the last ten years, but not because someone forced me, but it just suited me.

All year round to live in a small town by the sea, where there is a holiday season for about 5 months, and the rest of the time it is not cold, but still winter, and village quiet, can only be a very homely woman who does not count on anything else. I understood what I was getting into.

Only some of my Russian acquaintances, who are very far from our realities, think that since I am “for a foreigner” and “live in a resort”, then I have a social life here. In fact, I live with children and a house.

The biggest shocks before covid and geopolitics for me were only the annual velvet seasons, when our entire town is filled with a bunch of lonely Russian beauties, and my husband works in a hotel. He himself is jealous, and I’m not supposed to be, at least not out loud. But now I had to trample on all the commandments.

According to Elena, at the first manifestation of Russophobia in his hometown, her Turkish husband showed all the qualities indicated in the advertising booklets for Russian brides compiled by Turkish matchmakers: willingness to do anything to protect the honor of his and his family, the inviolability of his home, the health and well-being of children and reputation of the wife (in that order).

– Based on all this, he said that now the duty tells us to move to Russia, where I will be completely protected from Russophobia. It is also my duty at such a time to be close to elderly parents, of whom I am the only daughter.

Surprisingly, his mother-in-law also supported him, and the Turks obey their mothers until old age. But I was against it – after all, the whole life is adjusted here. In general, I had to argue with my husband, argue with my mother-in-law and even show “undesirable” social activity: I persuaded a Russian friend, we studied together, to talk with my husband and convince him to postpone his visit to Russia until the end of hostilities.

The Russian woman Marina has a different situation (all names have been changed – Auth.), who has been living in the homeland of her Azerbaijani spouse for the fifth year.

– I will not hide, almost everything that is chatted about oriental men in Runet, in our life for these almost 5 years, too, was both good and bad, – says 32-year-old Marina. – My Azad is a great cook, loves this business, won’t let me near the stove. She adores her sons: when we part for a week, it’s not the children and not their mother who cry, but the horseman’s dad.

I know for sure that if something threatens me and the children, he will give his life for us without hesitation. But there was another thing: spending the night away from home during the holiday season could disappear for several days at once, without even calling. And in relation to me, jealousy is not for someone, but simply for the whole world as a whole. Where did you go, why did you look back, why did you look, and that’s all. But he does not accept jealousy in his address.

Somehow I even saw him with my own eyes on the embankment with friends and young tourists, as soon as he appeared, I began to speak out. And he told me: tourists are good because they leave quickly. Say, it’s all nonsense, and I’m forever for him.

But now, according to Marina, politics has also been added to Azad’s spheres of interest. This resulted in objections to the Russian citizenship of his sons.

– He tells me, you can do whatever you want, but my sons should have citizenship only of Azerbaijan. Now the boys have two citizenships, but this is only up to the age of 18, and then they themselves can decide which citizenship they need.

This is what we planned, but then Azad demanded that I immediately cancel the Russian citizenship of our children. I had to remind them that in every toast they say that the foundation of the foundations is respect for the roots, and my roots are in Russia, and therefore my children too. But still there was a scandal, I almost went home to Maikop. But everything worked out, he stopped setting conditions and is now content with political sarcasm.

– And what does political sarcasm look like in relation to your wife?

– Yes, it’s very simple. Previously, if he suddenly wanted affection in the morning, he shoved me in the side with the words: “I missed you couple.” And now: “The couple is lying here alone, as in your mausoleum.”