Look straight into the eyes of the miser

Theater

The wife remained to look after her mother, who had fallen into unconsciousness, and he headed off to the theater. With Marina. Was this betrayal? He looked at the stage and was executed: “The old woman is on her last legs… And I get a buzz, get aesthetic pleasure… Instead of sharing the grief.”

But fate took care of preserving the veneer of decency – even in its own eyes. The mother-in-law didn’t give up. So (belatedly) he learned: he had the moral right to go to the theater. He did not commit treason. And I didn’t go to Marina, but I could have. No, I hurried home.

You never know who is sick… So why not go to the theaters now?

But the internal discomfort was not erased: he acted unworthily, ugly, dishonestly… Although… Which way to look at it… It’s always a matter of interpretation. After all, before the performance, I visited the church and lit a candle for the old woman’s health. He was not hopelessly callous and not so soulless.

And it started rolling…

In the morning Grandma Manya called:

– Antosha, we need you. The master will come to tune the piano. He likes to drink. Uncle bought vodka. And we are all non-drinkers. Come, help me out.

“I’m stuck,” he said dryly.

– Well, Antosha… Well, have lunch with the master. What does it cost you?

– Why shouldn’t uncle have lunch?

– Feels bad.

– Ask a neighbor.

“He’ll drink a barrel,” she said.

I had to go. And it started rolling.

Pies

After the formal wedding, she convinced him to sell the apartment and moved him in with her. With the proceeds, I opened a tiny company. And it burned out. He started drinking. He was very impressionable. It turned out that she could not live under the same roof with a drunkard. We exchanged an apartment: I took a one-room apartment for myself and the children from my previous marriage. He was expelled to a communal apartment in a remote area. But it hurt my soul to watch how he sank. I began to go to him, talk some sense into him, and cook dinners. He changed his mind and went to work. We moved in together again. He was soon kicked out of the service. I started drinking again. I moved away again. And she continued to visit, bringing pies, hanging curtains, washing the floor. Then she rushed to the children.

He aimed her at registering a new company. Said:

– Why am I worried about you? In gratitude for the pies.

Without pretty things

There were three of them (like Remarque – three comrades). One left to seek happiness in bourgeois society. The second remained in a socialist society. And the third became an intelligence officer and went to undermine the well-being of the first for the sake of the triumph of the second. Once, while heavily drunk, he told me that he had seen someone who had set sail – he was selling in a small town in a grocery store. I watched him through the glass window, but did not enter the store and did not approach my former friend.

The life of these three turned out simply, without any beauty or frills.

Bait

At the age of seventeen, an incident occurred to him that marked a new stage of self-awareness. He did not get on the first bus that pulled up to the stop, but preferred to wait for the number he needed. It was then that I realized: you shouldn’t immediately rush to the chance presented by circumstances, you need to think about whether the lucky chance that has fallen coincides with your own intentions and aspirations, or whether it is better to be patient and watch for another option. The fish, too, do not immediately bite the abandoned bait, but walk around it in the water, as if sniffing and checking: is there a catch hidden in the free snack? Another will lick and remove the bait from the hook so deftly that the fisherman will not have time to make a hook and pull the lucky one ashore.

Caesar

His delicacy reached the point of absurdity. I was afraid of causing inconvenience, of making someone feel awkward. For his birthday he was given a rusty writing pen. He thanked him warmly, timid to look the miser directly in the eyes and smiling happily. Shame, make you feel the undignified pettiness of an action? Forced to blush? Never!

It seemed to him defiantly immodest to show off his beautiful wife – it could offend women who are not so luxurious and hint at why he neglects them, sleeps not with them, but with her. He was even more afraid to upset the ugly ones. Although I suspected (no, I knew for sure!): rare individuals consider themselves ugly and do not admire themselves. The rest are quite pleased with themselves.

I noticed that everyone around them acts in the way that is most convenient for them. They don’t take anything or anyone into account. They live without a care. He couldn’t do that. It was out of character.

And he noticed another weakness in himself: the indispensable desire to justify a good opinion of himself. Don’t let his mother down, because she is proud of him… Don’t disappoint his friends who did him so much good… Is it appropriate to betray trust, hopes, and not confirm expectations? Everyone has the right to expect: he will be impeccable.

The ability to put oneself in the place of another saved me when choosing what and how to say, and saved me from mistakes and quarrels over trifles.

But something was wrong in this position of his, he himself felt. They value and respect those who speak contrary, and not what is expected. They honor those who speak out independently, without equivocation or regard to conventions.

I once watched a scene. A cat was sneaking along the roof of the garage towards the pigeon. She lay down half a meter from the prey, preparing to jump. The dove saw her, but for some reason did not run away, did not fly into the air. Were you hypnotized? Other birds fluttered, but this one shuffled, hesitantly flapped his wings and lowered them limply. Did you suffer from excessive innate delicacy, did not dare to offend the predator with the suspicion that he thought badly of her?

Miraculously, the cat didn’t grab him. She rushed and grabbed, but the sisar with a desperate effort escaped from his claws.

Flaws

She was no good hostess. She didn’t know how to cook borscht or fry cutlets. The disorder in the apartment was such as he had not allowed himself even in his bachelor years. But… At my age I learned: there is no panacea or ideal. A woman may know how to cook and be clean, but this is not a guarantee that other disadvantages will not be discovered. Perhaps worse, more significant than sloppiness. He remembered how distilledly licked the apartment of his lady named Rita was, and in financial matters this Rita turned out to be not as scrupulous and neat as when polishing taps and tiles. I borrowed a lot of money from friends (and from him at the same time), and did not return a penny to anyone. Untidy is little better than dishonesty. And Tatyana, an excellent cook, was completely caught in treason: she was hanging around with someone else. Even if she cooked worse, she didn’t look to the left.

The Fool’s Path to Revolution

The fool is tired of oppression. And I decided to get rid of the exploiters. Joined the revolution. And he suppressed the offenders. Triumphant.

For a short time.

Because soon, mysteriously, the enslavers again found themselves at the helm of power. The same ones who are used to suppressing bloodsuckers. And they subdued him again.

And the fool, embittered, again staged a revolution. This time – in my own brains.

Glory

The writer complained:

– I’m little known.

God answered:

– Doing what you love. You also get paid for this hobby of yours. But it’s not enough for you. Fame is paid according to a different price list and is reserved for a few. For those who can’t do without it. And you can handle it.

Loneliness

He was selfish and loved himself. It took her a long time to get used to it. In the mornings, when she left him in bed and went to the bathroom, she would shake with disgust, he was so disgusting. But I got used to it, resigned myself, and couldn’t imagine anyone else next to me. But he remained an inveterate egoist, died, and left her alone. Loneliness has struck again…

Rope and balcony

After drinking, he sat on the balcony and dangled his legs through the bars.

One day he returned home bleeding: his drinking buddy wanted to stab him, but was unable to hit him accurately. It only grazed, since the defender was also on edge and dodged the blade, but not too quickly.

After washing off the blood and sitting on the balcony, he decided to go down to the lower floor along the clothesline. And he lost it. The widow was later reproached: if she had stopped, she would have remained alive. She answered: “Then I would jump down myself, I would be ready for this, or I would hang myself with the same cord.”