Little man: how to survive events that you cannot influence

We all face difficulties in life, with stressful and even painful things that are beyond our control. So the first thing to do is to stay realistic about what you can control and what you can’t. Trying to control things that are actually out of your control is not a meaningful use of energy. And this creates completely unnecessary additional stress. Sometimes this is a consequence of perfectionism, a tendency to obsessive ideas, and sometimes it is a completely understandable reaction to certain events.

It may sound like a cliche, but we can recall the words of the German theologian Carl Friedrich Etinger: “Give me the strength to change what I can change in my life, give me courage and peace of mind to accept what is beyond my power to change, and give me wisdom distinguish one from the other.”

If you don’t accept that some things you can’t change, then you will fight battles that you can’t win.

Eliminate Information Overload

Today, we are all overloaded with information, which makes it seem to many that they are responsible and have to take care of things that are beyond their control. As a result, a person begins to spend too much energy on issues that are beyond his influence, and the energy that can be used to solve pressing problems is wasted.

To give an example: if you enjoy watching football, when you see players freaking out over what’s going on on the pitch, or annoyed by the fact that the ball just didn’t land at their feet, you’re out of your mind. comes to think that you can somehow help them. But in reaction to global world events, for some reason, many people think that they can do it.

Many of us have self-doubt, increased guilt, or an excessive sense of personal responsibility. This leads to the fact that a person begins to suffer from all the problems voiced by the media. However, if you want to have peace of mind, you need to accept the fact that we cannot control everything.

Learn to accept reality

Remember that you can accept unpleasant realities without endorsing them. Don’t be afraid to appear cold or condescending – if there’s really nothing you can do to change the situation, then the best strategy is to accept it. It is important to remember that acceptance is not the same as approval. You just need to accept that the situation is unpleasant, but if it is not in your power to change it, the most reasonable reaction is to let it go.

For example, if you hit your head against a wall, you will simply experience pain. Instead, take your mind off those “battles” that you can’t win. Once you let go of these things through acceptance rather than approval, you can channel your psychological and emotional energy into those situations where you are strong.

Don’t give in to emotional impulses

Sometimes it seems to a person who is stuck in a negative perception of something that complaining, negative emotions, speaking out and “recruiting” other people to join them in expressing dissatisfaction and experiencing negativity together will help solve the problem. At some subconscious level, it seems to such people that if they get enough people to agree that something is wrong, then the situation will be magically corrected by some higher power. But this is a false expectation. Well, it’s nice to know that others agree with you, but aside from getting approval for your opinion, which may well be justified, nothing will actually happen or change.

Look for the positives

Make a conscious effort to develop a positive outlook on things. An important principle behind this advice is that what we focus on tends to expand. This means that the things to which you direct your attention and your thoughts gradually become more and more important to you and take up more and more space in your personal world.

If you focus on something good, it makes you feel better, and if you focus on something bad, then vice versa. Unfortunately, more often than not, people stay in a negative focus of perception, focusing on problems that cannot be changed by their efforts. As this focus expands, perceptions become more negative and more distracting, undermining productivity, dissipating energy, and essentially disrupting human activity. The way out of this trap is to make a conscious, deliberate effort to shift your focus.

Analyze the situation

Sometimes things that seem beyond our control are actually within our sphere of influence, and things that we think we can control are beyond.

If you take the time to carefully analyze what is under your control and what is not, you may eventually find that you have some control over the situation prevailing in your mind. The next step should be to decide what personal risks and what achievements the exercise of this control can bring you. Just sit down and list in two columns on a piece of paper all the pros and all the cons. If there are at least one point more negative characteristics, then it makes no sense to get involved in the situation – if you do something, then with a probability of 90 percent you will lose. However, sometimes it will be useful to identify methods that can gradually increase your influence.

Keep no evil

Beware of holding, grooming and nurturing anger at the alleged source of your problem. In this case, being angry at the powers that be, global warming or the global food crisis is like drinking poison yourself and hoping the other person dies. If you spend time throwing things at the wall and saying, “Who the hell are they?”, no one but you will get hurt. But this will make you unbalanced, tense and incapable of rational decisions. If you find yourself wanting to do this, stop and direct your energy in another, more productive direction.

Don’t make things worse

When life doesn’t turn out the way we would like, people often mentally create a kind of scenario, thinking like this: “Based on what is happening today, in six to twelve months everything will be so bad.” Remember that if you do this, you will eventually experience even more emotional stress. Because you build yourself a perspective of the future, which does not inspire, does not energize, but, on the contrary, contributes to the imbalance of your spiritual forces.

It is also easy to exacerbate stress with internal dialogue. For example, if you think: “My God, how difficult everything is now,” then it will become difficult for you. But if you think: “My God, how difficult it is now, I can’t believe that they are forcing me to do this, I hate this, I didn’t sign up for this,” then you will get the stress of double negative energy and strength, which will reduce your ability make the right decisions.

Pay attention to yourself

No matter what happens in the world, it makes no sense to lose sight of your own well-being. Try to eat right, exercise, try meditation, spend time in nature, just have a quiet evening at home with your family, and at least once a week make time for activities that you enjoy. That is, take some time to take better care of yourself. Self-compassion is one way to learn how to calm yourself so that you can then return to wisdom as a way to solve problems. The reality is that if you don’t take care of yourself, it will be much harder for you to take care of others.

Focus on the good things

After all, one of the most important human abilities is the ability to control your attention. So don’t focus on the negative things that are out of your control, strengthen your psychological bandwidth – just pay attention to all the good things that are under your control and maintain a sense of a positive outlook. This strategy will give you a sense of control because it will come from within and not be imposed by the outside world. This approach will allow you to maintain a strategic position that will be inspiring and productive.

Opinion

Olga Mazur, practicing psychologist:

– Stress attacks are often characterized by physical ailments such as shortness of breath, fear and dizziness. They can be caused, among other things, by events that we cannot influence.

To avoid this kind of stress, try to stay away from smoking or caffeine. Work on controlling your breathing and focus on getting your weight under control.

Research has shown that you can reduce stress by practicing deep breathing techniques. Try practicing this breathing by focusing on taking deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Try to relax more with each breath and develop your consistent breathing routine.

Learn to redirect your emotions. Transference or redirection of emotions is a conscious withdrawal from the situation. But first, learn to recognize your emotions. Practice writing down the strong emotions you feel. Such a diary will help you associate specific situations with certain emotions. Then try to mentally evoke other emotions, also writing down which ones in advance. For example, if you know something is causing you to panic, write down, “I want to make you feel calm.” Practice will help you do this automatically, although it may be difficult at first.