how to behave with older people

On October 1, Russia celebrates the Day of the Older Generation. This day is intended to once again remind loved ones of people of the “silver age” about how important your care and attention is to them. Often they come down to financial assistance or the provision of food and medicine. What about talking? Difficult? Psychologists explained what is important to consider when communicating with older people so that it is not a burden, but a joy.

“What is old, what is small” – everyone, surrounded by small children and elderly relatives, probably felt the veracity of this saying. Each of them needs a special approach, although the reasons for this are different. Toddlers still don’t know and can’t do much, so they need to be encouraged even if their actions are not very successful, and sometimes the elderly, on the contrary, can far from everything, and therefore it is very important to celebrate their successes, even in small things.

“But here it is important not to overdo it,” says family psychologist Nadezhda Vinnitskaya. – With older people, you need to feel the line subtly: when your praise will cheer them up, and when, on the contrary, it will be perceived as an insult. Everything is very individual here, and you need to understand what state a person is in, what he can still do perfectly, and what is given to him with great difficulty. So, if you start praising a quite vigorous, active and, as they say now, an advanced 60-70-year-old person for the fact that he himself made an appointment with a doctor through the portal, and even reached the clinic without outside help, he may be offended . But if an elderly person is doing something new, not previously characteristic of him, or, conversely, overcoming himself, doing something that he could easily cope with before, your words of encouragement and approval will be very important.

These features and other problems that should be taken into account when communicating with older people were reminded in the Moscow Social Development Complex. So.

Problem 1. Fear of loneliness, poverty and helplessness

What to do. Become a like-minded person for your elderly relative and a guarantor of the future day. Give him confidence that he is heard and understood, that at any moment he can count on your help and support.

“Moreover, it is important to say this, perhaps more than once, since the postulate “I speak more with my actions than with my words” does not work here,” Nadezhda Vinnitskaya clarifies.

Problem 2 Ability to over-indulge in disease

What to do. Try to be there and create an atmosphere of care and love around your relative so that he does not feel unwanted and lonely.

“Caring for the health of your older relatives is very important,” Vinnitskaya comments. – It happens that relatives exaggerate their problems, including those related to health. Often this happens when they feel lonely and want more involvement from their loved ones. But there is also the opposite situation – when, trying not to burden their children and grandchildren with their problems, relatives are silent about serious illnesses. So your participation in the affairs of elderly relatives must be truly sincere in order to understand both.

Problem 3. A peculiar sense of time

What to do. The past, like the future, is always with them in the present. Look through the family album, ask your relative about the events of childhood and youth, showing sincere interest, they advise in the Moscow Social Security Complex.

“To pass on your memories, knowledge and experience is very important for the older generation,” explains the psychologist. “And even if it doesn’t seem interesting to you at the moment, later you will most likely be able to appreciate the full value of this information. But in any case, your attention will be pleasant to the interlocutor.

How and why we experience time differently can be found in our publications.

Problem 4. Rapid fatigue

What to do. Pay close attention to how your elderly relative behaves. If you notice signs of fatigue, give him time to rest and “take a breath.”

“Here we are talking about both physical and mental activity,” Nadezhda Vinnitskaya notes. – And if physical fatigue is easy to notice, then mental fatigue is much more difficult. It may seem that the elderly person has simply lost interest in what is happening or in what you are talking about, but in fact he is just tired. So, firstly, do not be offended, and secondly, try to notice in time when the information that your interlocutor receives becomes redundant for him.

Problem 5. Distraction to external stimuli and difficulty understanding fast speech

What to do. Older people can lose the thread of a conversation, especially if you speak quickly. Therefore, it is important that nothing distracts from the conversation, such as TV or radio. Try to speak more slowly and clearly than usual, pausing between words.

– Here again it is worth recalling the saying about “old and small.” Remember how you talked about important things with your young children, the psychologist advises. – If you see that your words are “going on the air”, slow down your speech rate, speak clearly and distinctly. And one more thing: do not turn the conversation into a monologue – a nod of the head does not mean that they agree with you. The best conversation is a dialogue where both parties listen and hear each other.

We hope these tips will help you better understand your loved ones. And in any case, remember: they really need you, even if they do not talk about it.

Alena Bodrienko.

Photo from the website of the Department of Labor and Social Protection of the Population of the City of Moscow