A career expert explained what to do if a “colleague is annoying”

In Russia, conflicts at work have become more frequent. According to a recent opinion poll, every third employee admitted that he had such experience. MK learned from experts in the field of labor relations why this happens and how to behave if a colleague annoys you or, on the contrary, hardly tolerates you.

Our fellow citizens as a whole have become much more likely to have conflicts at work compared to pre-Covid times: the number of employees who have ever quarreled with colleagues and those who have quarreled with superiors has doubled. This is reported in a study of the job search portal. 36% of employees admitted that they had experience of service conflicts. The reason for disagreements with colleagues, judging by the answers, can be not only work matters, but also personal life, personal preferences, political and social views, etc. At the same time, the number of those who happily avoided any quarrels looks very optimistic: almost half, 49% of those surveyed. Slightly more (51%) never sorted things out with their superiors.

According to psychologist and career consultant Svetlana Lenkova, the growth of conflict situations in teams is associated primarily with the general state of tension and nervousness among people.

“We have all experienced difficult covid times, now the economic and political situation is difficult,” Lenkova told MK. – People lose their nerves, and sometimes a quarrel in the team arises from scratch: where before a person could remain silent, now he starts up half a turn.

Here is one example of quarrels “from scratch” from Angelina from the Moscow region, who works in an online publication.

“Recently, I got into a big fight with a colleague whom I considered a friend. All because of the difference in our characters, – said 40-year-old Angelina. – I am very meticulous, hyper-responsible, I check everything a hundred times, and she is absent-minded, a kind of creative nature. Once I asked her to fix something on my project (I was not in the office), she promised, but forgot. And then she explained – “Yes, this is a trifle!” I brought down all my anger on her, because for me this “trifle” was important, called her “stupid”, she remembered in response some of my work “blunders”. Our relationship is spoiled, I communicate with her with restraint, only at work moments, but I feel uncomfortable working side by side with her … ”.

– What advice can you give if some colleague is annoying and you need to overcome yourself in order to communicate with him? – I turn to Svetlana Lenkova.

– Try to figure out why you don’t like this colleague. It often happens that you don’t like a person because he has the same qualities as you, that is, it is such a “mirror”. Think about how you can build a relationship with a colleague. Maybe he has troubles in the family, and from this there are breakdowns on colleagues. Or, the second option, just ignore him, disengage from this situation and calmly go about your work duties. You can’t like everyone in a row. Thus, you build only working relations with him, and do not build any more communications.

– It is clear that conflicts with superiors in most cases lead to the dismissal of an employee. And how often do quarrels between colleagues cause a person to change jobs?

– We spend a lot of time at work – if we take office workers, then this is 40 hours a week. And most of the people would like to come to a good, friendly team. And if the team is a terrarium, then employees for whom the psychological situation in the workplace is important are fired. I know many cases when people leave even for a lower salary than at their current job, if there is a good team with whom they have more mutual understanding.

For her part, Ninel Bokman, head of mediation at hh, explained to MK that employees are in conflict when they do not understand the goals, that is, the true intentions of a friend. And everything that is incomprehensible, especially expressed with a negative emotional connotation, causes anxiety in a person, he perceives it as a threat to himself.

– It’s all about the imperfection of communications that are not built, – says the expert. – Conflict is, as a rule, incorrectly submitted or received information. This comes from the fact that we ourselves cannot say what really drives us in this conflict, and it is simply impossible to understand the motives of the interlocutor if he does not voice them (or even does not know himself) …

– Should the boss build such communications between subordinates?

– The authorities, most likely, due to being busy with other tasks, do not have the resource for this. There should be a special department in the company (a division in the HR department) that helps to overcome such difficulties. The more anxiety employees have, the less psychological security they have, the worse they work. Efficiency of work directly depends on it.

According to Ninel Bokman, conflict employees are less likely to build a successful career. The leader does not need a person as a team leader who constantly finds reasons for quarrels with other employees and destabilizes the team.

Today, as we all know, there are many misunderstandings and conflict situations in teams due to different views on the current situation.

– Let’s still be tolerant, and understand that people can have different positions and they have the right to do so. We are all equal and we are all different. We have the same set of values, but the combination of positions from this set is different for everyone. But at the same time, we should not engage in “missionary work” and convert everyone around us to our faith, because this is a violation of their psychological security, which can be a source of conflict, Bokman summarizes.