Russians began to marry and divorce according to “geopolitical calculation”

Over the past 9 months, Russians across the country have become more likely to marry and divorce – this is evidenced by the statistics of the registry offices of the Russian Federation. It can be decided that you and I have become more focused on creating a cell of society, since we get married more. And at the same time – more resolute and freedom-loving, more often filing for divorce. But family psychologists believe that the point is not love or its destruction, but something completely different.

– Now marriages and divorces have been added for practical reasons – I know this from my own practice and colleagues, – says family psychologist Vera Filippova.

– Haven’t they always existed?

– Yes, but earlier mainly for property or career reasons. And now they are also conditioned by the geopolitical situation. This is how we call such cases among ourselves – geopolitical calculation.

– Do you mean partial mobilization? RuNet has gone around in history when a single man, having received a summons, found a single mother of many children in his region and made her an offer so that she could receive payments as the wife of a conscripted man.

“This also happens for sure. For the same purpose, they are in a hurry to officially formalize the relationship of couples who already live together, but before that everyone put off the notorious “stamp” for later. But such, as a rule, do not consult with psychologists. People come to us mainly with relocation problems.

– Are they those who are looking for a mate abroad to leave? Or those with whom it is possible to “naturalize” for company in their historical homeland?

– I think there are a lot of them, too, but they don’t go to psychologists either: they have conceived – and are looking for a partner who meets their ideas. And those who cannot find a solution or strengthen themselves in it come to us. From recent examples: the husband wants to go abroad to make ends meet, but the wife does not share this desire. Moreover, her personal reluctance to leave her homeland is complicated by the presence of elderly parents. But at the same time she loves her husband. And he asks to help her find a solution – or rather, the strength to part and stay. There are many who seek help in that. for the sake of the family to step over himself and follow her husband. The problem is that in such a situation we cannot, as usual in family matters, offer to find a compromise. Given the external circumstances, there is no “golden mean” here – either you leave or you stay.

– On the contrary, it happens – so that the wife wants to leave, but the husband does not?

– Even more often, despite the mobilization. A couple came to me, where the wife demanded that her husband change jobs and leave for permanent residence in another country with her and her family. From the wife’s side, her parents and brothers were leaving, she wanted to be with them. But she loved her husband, and two more children, so she dragged him by force. And he said that he was “not a suitcase”, that he loves his work, devoted his whole life to it, he has an elderly mother in his homeland, and he will not go anywhere. And she screamed that he was “betraying children.” Despite all the efforts of therapists, the couple divorced.

– And how exactly does the therapist “try” in such cases?

– Explains that the interests of the family are primarily the interests of two spouses and their children. All other relatives have nothing to do with it. He asks each of the parties to put on the scales their considerations, prompting both to leave and to stay.

– Divorce is clear. And marriage from a geopolitical calculation – what is it? The same “foreign partner from the Network”?

– Those who are looking for a spouse as a “means of transportation”, I repeat, as a rule, do not need psychological help. They come to us with other problems. For example, a young man with a promising specialty receives a lucrative offer from an employer abroad. If desired, he can take his wife with him to everything ready. And then at the “nerd”, which the girls did not even look at yesterday, out of nowhere, a crowd of “brides in love” appears. Such brides, as well as the “nerds” themselves, of course, do not go to psychologists either, but recently their mothers have become frequent guests. Just recently, a similar mother begged me to convince her son “not to believe every swindler you meet.” Moreover, my son categorically refused to go to a psychologist, and I was asked to come to him myself.

– You agreed?

– Not. I am convinced that family relations are relations between spouses, taking into account the interests of their children, but not other relatives, even if they are beloved parents.

I ask a question to those waiting in line for registration of civil status – but not in the registry office, but in the district “one-stop shop”. The question for everyone is the same: why not in a solemn atmosphere?

“We have no time,” a pretty girl of about 25 nods at a quiet, nondescript guy sitting next to him, who never uttered a word. – He finished accelerated IT courses, I made him. I passed the exams perfectly and immediately received an invitation to Serbia. We should get married and go as soon as possible before they change their minds…

“But I’m filing for divorce,” another girl from the same queue and about the same age responds. – My husband was also invited to work for a Western company, only in Dubai. But I don’t want to go to this Arab country – my soul doesn’t lie, and that’s it. He did not care about my feelings, he said that he would go anyway. Well, why do I need such a husband …