Psychologists told how to make wishes for the New Year

At the end of the year, it is customary to sum up the results, and to the sound of the chiming clock – to make cherished wishes. Of course, we want to believe in a miracle, but still, not everything that we dream about can actually be realized.

Psychologists believe that it is worthwhile to set your goals for the future in advance in order to formulate wishes on New Year’s Eve as accurately as possible, which will significantly increase the chances of their realization.

Why shouldn’t you beat yourself up if you don’t succeed? How to make a wish? MK has put together expert advice to help you keep your peace of mind and look to the future with confidence.

Summing up without sadness

Summing up the results of the outgoing year has become a fashionable trend in recent years. Many post on social networks about their achievements (more often) and failures (almost never), and some sit and gnaw at themselves with doubts: but I never achieved anything. An expert in the field of psychology of self-realization Natalia Kozhevnikova suggests not to reproach yourself for what has not been done: “Remember the goals that you wanted to achieve.

What worked and what didn’t? Don’t berate yourself for what didn’t materialize. Think about what prevented implementation: fears, hidden benefits, insufficient actions? Or was the wish not true? Remember what was not in the plans, but managed to be achieved. Don’t discount even your smallest victories. Compare yourself to where you were at the beginning of the year. In what way have you improved this year? And the last thing – what dream have you postponed again until better times? Maybe quit a job you hate, learn to sing, or write a book? What is missing to stop procrastinating: confidence, support, motivation? How can you get closer to what you want next year? Imagine the feelings and emotions that you will experience if you do what you have long dreamed of. This is the “fuel” for movement! And let self-confidence, coming opportunities and a magical New Year’s time help you add your cherished dream to the new list of goals.

Solitaire wishes

“It is worth thinking over and formulating a desire in advance,” psychologist Vasilisa Averyanova is sure. “Indeed, how can a vaguely formulated desire come true? Half? A quarter? our engine, they push us to act, develop, live a full life. Even the very appearance of a new aspiration is already a movement forward. And, by the way, it is believed that a desire that has arisen must have a way of realization. Even the most unthinkable, incredible whim! the word “want”.

On the eve of the New Year, the expert advises to deal with your desires: “Take a few tear-off sheets, write one of your desires on each. Do not think for a long time: most importantly, write what immediately comes to mind. Important: you need to write only about yourself. that you wish health to your parents, grandparents. But this is not the sphere of your desires. Just wish them a Happy New Year from the bottom of your heart. You should also avoid the “not” particle. For example, you should not write “I don’t want to …”. Formulate positive desires “After you have done this, you need to determine whether the desire that you just wrote yourself is really yours? Do you want to become a doctor or does your mother want it? And you are not at all attracted to communicating with sick people? And you have to break yourself?” If you listen to yourself, you will understand, for example, that your calling is to create beautiful fabrics.Therefore, you need to enter the textile, not the medical school.There are a million possibilities, the main thing is to choose your right var iant. Do you want to holiday in the Maldives? Or is it advertising and girlfriends all ears buzzed? Maybe you like it more in the country, although it’s not fashionable, and you won’t post it on social networks too much. Check everything else according to the principle “yours – not yours”, and arrange the cards into 4 piles.

As Averyanova says, “blue dreams” will be in the first pile: “These are such impulses, the realization of which seems impossible. For example, since childhood you have passionately dreamed of being at Natasha Rostova’s ball. Although she is not a person at all, but a character. And what to do? On the back of the card, you write down real opportunities to make your dream come true: attend a theater group, learn French, go to shootings in the crowd of historical films, and finally, just sew a dress for yourself, like Natalie’s, and arrange a New Year’s costume ball … Or you can open an old ballroom dance studio, invite teachers, learn minuets and polonaises, mazurkas and quadrilles in accordance with the fashion of a particular royal court, immerse yourself in the history of music, costume, ballroom customs.

The next pile is “cherished desires”. These are the aspirations that will determine the future course of your life. For example, you want to become fluent in several languages, become a highly qualified translator, translate books, then open your own publishing house. “On the back of the piece of paper, you write down the steps: study not only school English, enter the faculty of foreign languages, study, give all your best in internships, work, work, work … And one day the time will come to create your own publishing business. Too long and hard? So, it was not your cherished desire. Think again what you want to devote your life to. Or listen to yourself to the sound of New Year’s chimes. The old year is replaced by a new one, and at the moment of renewal, the cherished desire will emerge from the very bottom of the soul. Maybe it’s like once an old ballroom dance studio? Or a successful marriage?” the expert continues.

So, let’s move on to a bunch of “real desires.” They must be fulfilled with the application of appropriate efforts: within a year, several months or weeks. For example, you want to learn how to bake as fantastically delicious as your grandmother bakes, so that exactly in a year your pies and buns will decorate the New Year’s table. “On the back of the card we indicate: verbatim write down the grandmother’s recipe, with a full description of the ingredients, clarify all unclear points, bake pies a couple of times with the grandmother and under her supervision, then try it yourself and bring it to the grandmother for a test. Listen to the verdict and correct the mistakes made. The normal desire of every woman is to look good, to have a decent figure, including so that there are no problems with the selection of New Year’s toilet… So, we write down: eat right, observe the daily routine (if possible), run, fitness, Pilates, “says Vasilisa Averyanov.

Well, the last bunch – “everyday desires.” Doing this doesn’t take much effort. Do you want to have many friends, get invitations to the movies or go bowling, maintain a good relationship with your parents? Be attentive, friendly, benevolent, keep your promises, help as much as you can, listen to the advice of your elders.

And finally. Cards, your solitaire of desires, do not throw away. They have a life plan for weeks, months, years ahead. Your desires have become your goals. “As long as a person is alive, his desires do not end. Awareness of his desires continues day by day. Life without desires is impossible. Without them, we will lose all motivation, we will not have guidelines to move forward,” says Vasilisa Averyanova.

How not to turn a vacation with kids into a Grinch

Ahead of the New Year holidays, which many will spend with children. Clinical psychologist Victoria Vavilova advises how to spend them in such a way that everyone enjoys it: parents who want to passively relax during a seasonal decline in strength, and children who are in need of magic and adventure.

“The first thing to forget is the lessons. No circles, reading required books, repeating and consolidating school materials. Just imagine that the bosses give you extra work on the holidays. Only your favorite children’s things. The second important rule is to jointly draw up an action plan. It will be great to get together for a family dinner and understand that the whole family just wants to come to their beloved aunt and eat her cinnamon charlotte, and not visit ten cities of the Golden Ring in ten days.The opportunity to give children a choice is very important for the formation of personal qualities. -3 activities for all holidays.

In addition, according to her, it is important to observe a narrow line between the magic of holiday permissiveness and parental authority, when, for example, you have just achieved a stable child’s daily routine, adjusted the diet or weaned him to sleep in the parent’s bed, and on holidays everything returns. Subsequent attempts to introduce broken rules into the family will be more complex and filled with such manipulations that the holidays spent will only cause regret. If the rule is entered, stand your ground.

The fourth recommendation is to avoid brain degradation. Both adults and children benefit from starting something new. “Learn together how to dot painting together, lay out the first family picture from a diamond mosaic or repaint a chest of drawers. Everything new means new neural connections and a warm family evening. But, most importantly, in these fabulous days, our children receive absolutely unconditional love. Not for grades, not for achievements in sports, but simply because they are. Meet loved ones, hug, let your child invite friends home – today it is an endangered type of children’s meetings. Do not be intrusive, but do not dismiss children by handing them gadgets. Then in harmony and mutual understanding will reign in your family,” says Vavilova.