Named ways to cope with depression and loneliness during the New Year holidays

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, sixty-six percent of people report feeling lonely during the holidays, while 64% of people with mental illness say the holidays make them feel worse. “And as a child, adolescent and adult psychiatrist, I see these issues first-hand far too often,” Dr. Neha Chaudhary, a child, adolescent and adult psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School, tells CNN.

Why are loneliness and emotional stress so common this time of year? Some people may live far from family or cannot afford to travel to see them. Others may be grieving the loss of loved ones or experiencing strained relationships—and the holidays can serve as a stark reminder of those losses. And for some, the holiday season brings families together that would rather be apart. Whatever the reason, the impact of the holidays on our mental health can be profound.

If this sounds like you, you’re clearly not alone, notes Dr. Chaudhary. And if your feelings at this time of year are just the opposite, remember that your friends, colleagues, or strangers may be having a hard time over the holidays.

Although the holiday season is portrayed as a time for family and social gatherings, this anticipation can unintentionally increase feelings of isolation. This is true not only for those who find themselves alone, but also for those who are surrounded by loved ones.

The problem is that loneliness is killing us—literally. According to US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy, loneliness is as bad for your health as smoking every day. This can increase the risk of mental disorders, stroke, heart disease and even premature death, CNN notes.

Fortunately, there are ways to cope with this feeling, says Dr. Chaudhary. If you’ve been feeling lonely this holiday season, the first thing you can do is recognize it and give it a name. Let the feeling come as if it were a fleeting moment that will pass. If you try to resist a feeling, it usually pushes you away, lingering longer than you would like. If you allow a feeling to pass through you, it can disappear as easily as it came.

Then see if you can pinpoint the source of that feeling. Do the holidays remind you of the loss of a loved one or are they associated with negative experiences from your childhood? Or is it that you find yourself comparing yourself to others only to feel like you’re not living up to your own expectations set by social comparison?

Once you identify the cause of the emotion, you can try to talk to yourself about it compassionately, as if you were talking to a friend. Remind yourself that it’s okay to grieve, says Dr. Chaudhary. Tell yourself that comparison is distracting and put your social media away. Or remind yourself that you can invest in a relationship if you really want to—you do have some control.

Finally, find ways to connect with others in the moment. Do you have a friend with whom you haven’t corresponded for a long time? A group event you could join to build a sense of community? If you don’t have any existing connections to reach out to, a short chat with a stranger can also work. Talk to someone outside your home, or better yet, offer help or give something to a stranger. The feeling of connection this can create may surprise you. And it’s good for your health.

While the focus during this time of year tends to be reflection and gratitude, for some people it brings up a completely different feeling: anger. Anger towards family members who, when gathered together as a group, bring unresolved tensions to the surface. Anger at loved ones who abandoned them many years ago. Or anger that life is not going according to plan.

Does this sound like you? If so, Dr. Chaudhary continues, set aside self-judgment and allow yourself to feel. And then do something about it. What are some ways you can share your anger that are respectful and constructive? Can you talk to your loved one to work through hurt feelings from the past? If this seems overwhelming, consider putting your feelings into a letter that you may never give to another person. Sometimes the very act of getting it out of your brain and putting it down on paper can feel like a welcome release. You might tear up the letter and throw it in the trash or flush it down the toilet, imagining the anger leaving you as you destroy the letter itself.

Next, Dr. Chaudhary gives recommendations on how to cope with stress and pressure. Navigating the expectations and pressures that society (and yourself) set during the holidays can feel like walking on a tightrope. Whether it’s an expertly roasted turkey or picture-perfect family gatherings, idealized holiday movies and images on social media can create a sense of pressure that can overshadow the essence of gratitude and togetherness. Ultimately, these unrealistic standards often lead to unnecessary stress and feelings of inadequacy for many people.

To escape the trap of comparison and endless expectations, start by recognizing that perfection is an elusive goal, not the point of the holidays. Accept imperfections, the doctor advises. Try new rituals and routines that become lax, messy, and inconsistent year after year, just for fun.

Set boundaries with family and friends who have high expectations of you, whether it’s your aunt’s comments about what you should wear to dinner, your mother’s criticism of your cooking, or your father-in-law’s comments about how you should spend more time with him. this part of the family than with others. That’s who you are. Think ahead about what you are going to say to people when they violate your boundaries.

This holiday season will be difficult for many people for many different reasons. If you experience any uncomfortable feelings this holiday, I encourage you to make room for them.

If you’re feeling down, give yourself a break and focus on ways you can take care of yourself and your mental health, whether that’s curling up under the covers and binge-watching movies, writing in a journal, listening to music, expressing yourself through art, or calling your old friend. to a friend. Realize what you need to survive this moment. And if all else fails, seek professional help.

For many people this will be the most wonderful time of the year. For others – no. The more we encourage a culture of empathy and understanding of all the emotions associated with the holidays, the more we can strengthen our communities and support each other when it matters. And this may be one of the times of year when it matters most, Dr. Chaudhary concludes.