American scientists have found out why grandmothers love grandchildren more than children

Many notice that our parents are much more reverent towards their grandchildren than they were towards us at one time. This phenomenon has long been known – grandparents love their grandchildren more than their own children. And recently, American anthropologists have confirmed this fact by the scientific method of studying the brain. “MK”, ​​for its part, found out the reasons for the special love of old people for their grandchildren from Russian psychotherapists, and at the same time found out to what extent grandchildren can be pampered so as not to harm them.

The team of Professor James Rilling, an anthropologist at Emory University in Atlanta, scanned the brains of 50 grandmothers, who have grandchildren ages 3 to 12, using MRI scans as they looked at pictures of their babies. It turned out that during these minutes they experienced a sharp activation of brain regions associated with emotional empathy. “This suggests that grandmothers are more emotionally connected with their grandchildren, they feel them more subtly,” James Rilling concluded. – If their grandson smiles, they literally physically feel this joy. Seeing the crying grandson, they also feel pain.”

Using this and other brain studies, American anthropologists have confirmed that grandparents and grandchildren have a closer emotional connection than parents and children. When a woman becomes a grandmother and a man becomes a grandfather, their role changes. They are no longer the main ones responsible for raising their children, they do not experience the same pressure and stress as parents, and this allows them to more freely enjoy the time spent with their grandchildren.

Muscovite Albina, whose grandson is seven years old, admitted to MK that she had not believed in this statement before, until she experienced it for herself: “When my grandson was born, of course, I didn’t feel the same euphoria as at the time of the birth of my daughter. But over time, the more he grows up, the stronger my love and affection for him becomes. These are different feelings, this is a completely different love than for a daughter. But I can confirm that it covers much more.”

The grandfathers were more reserved. “The son was there until he was twenty, and the little grandson now lives far away, and we rarely see each other. But I love them equally!” – says Muscovite Anatoly.

“MK” learned the opinion on this matter from a Russian psychologist.

– One day my granddaughter said to me: “Grandma, you don’t love me.” I was surprised: “How is it, granddaughter ?! Of course, I love you very much!” She says, “You don’t love me. You adore me!”, – told “MK” Ph.D. in Psychology, Associate Professor of the Department of Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy of Moscow State University of Psychology and Education and grandmother Tatyana Yudeeva. – I would not say that I love her more, it’s just a different love – no more, no less, but it is completely different.

The psychologist explained that parents have a lot of responsibility, obligations, and grandparents do not have to rack their brains about which kindergarten, which school to send the child to, and so on.

– Neurobiological studies were conducted on this topic, and they showed that when parents interact with their children, communication goes more at the cognitive level, that is, the parts of the brain responsible for cognitive intelligence are turned on (cognitive functions of the brain are the ability to understand, learn, study information from the world around us, – Auth.), – continues Tatyana Yudeeva. – And communication with grandchildren goes on an emotional level.

With grandchildren, we can be more friends, we can be more on the same wavelength. And the parent is the main, important, a certain hierarchy must be observed between him and the children.

Why do grandchildren love their grandparents so much? We are more tolerant, we have more life experience. For example, if a child has painted a wall, few parents will be enthusiastic about it. And grandparents will also cover this wall with varnish in order to preserve the drawing …

At an older age, people better understand what is worth paying attention to and what is not. Here is an example: mothers, taking a child from a children’s institution, most often begin to ask him: what were you fed, did you fight with someone or did you not fight; at the teacher – how did mine behave? Grandparents ask completely different questions: was it interesting for you today or not, what was your mood, with whom did you play. That is, parents are more often interested in the practical side of the issue, and grandmothers are more interested in the emotional side and state of mind of the child.

Plus, realizing that we didn’t give to our children or did something wrong, we try to give it to our grandchildren. It turns out a kind of “work on the mistakes” – they sculpted little, drew little, went to museums a little, read … Now we will make up for all this with our grandchildren.

However, the main people in raising a child are still parents, they are the main ones. Therefore, grandparents must obey some rules. There is, for example, a daily regimen, a diet, some recommendations from doctors. If the parents said that the child should be asleep at 9 o’clock, then he should sleep. If parents believe that a child should not be given sweets, then it is necessary not to give sweets.

Pampering on the part of the grandmother, rather, can and should lie in something else: if, for example, a child paints a table or tears his trousers for a walk, then his grandmother will not scold him for this (unlike his mother). After all, the fact is that parents very often introduce some kind of prohibitions in order to make life easier for themselves, they do it for their own convenience. And grandparents have a much higher level of acceptance of the actions of their grandchildren and tolerance. And so the child can afford more in their presence. Relatively speaking, who among us did not like to jump on the couch? And many have heard “no”. Why not? It does not threaten health or life. But parents … take care of the sofa. And grandparents do not care about this sofa. Jumping, happy, eyes burning – what else do you need?