A former CIA agent spoke about the conversational habits of people with high intelligence

Emotions become key in communication

Former CIA agent Rupal Patel shared six things that people with high emotional intelligence always do when interacting with other people. Through her work with policymakers and organizations, she has learned that developing emotional intelligence is key to success.

Rupal Patel’s career has taken her on a dizzying journey from military briefing rooms in jungles and war zones to corporate boardrooms and international arenas. As a CIA analyst and field agent, she briefed presidents, politicians, aid workers, special forces and ambassadors.

Now Patel is an international speaker and consultant. She wrote the book, From CIA to CEO: Unconventional Life Lessons for Thinking Bigger, Leading Better, and Being Bolder. In a conversation with CNBC, Rupal Patel explained the basic habits of people with developed emotional intelligence.

“I had to really understand my audience. To reach the other person, you must speak their language. For example, when former US President Barack Obama asked for a graphical representation of a written report, this is what he received,” shares a former CIA official.

Based on experience, she identified several main rules for a person to talk with others. The expert believes that people with high emotional intelligence are not “unsettled by conversations” such as the presence of their boss or a high-profile client. They know to ignore this background noise and focus on getting their message across. People with high emotional intelligence treat everyone with kindness and respect, regardless of their position. This is what makes them effective communicators.

She notes that such people tend to rehearse their speech rather than worry before large presentations or meetings.

“If you focus on your nerves, you will become nervous. But if you change your focus on the content and delivery of your words, you will achieve great results,” advises Rupal Patel. She added that to combat fear, you need to prepare and do everything out loud and continue to practice until it becomes automatic.

People with high emotional intelligence know that if they say something and it goes awry, it’s not the end of the world. Whether it is well received or they are met with silence, they can continue. The ability to momentarily accept or even jokingly acknowledge awkwardness and then move on can make people respect the speaker.

The former CIA agent points out that some of the best public speakers start out small, like volunteering at an event or giving a toast at a co-worker’s party. Then, as people became more confident, they could become keynote speakers at a major conference.

According to Rupal Patel, people with high emotional intelligence know what communication tools and styles suit them best and can tailor their message to a specific situation. They also know that sometimes writing a script, email or letter can do the same job of a live meeting. For them, using their voice is not a stream of words. It’s about harnessing your inner strength and talking about the things that matter to you when they matter most.