The Theater of Satire revived “Zucchini” 13 chairs “

For those who are not in the know: “Zucchini “13 chairs” is the same hit on Soviet television as today, let’s say, KVN or “Voice” on federal channels. In any case, as soon as once a week a familiar melody from “Zucchini” sounded from the blue screen of TV boxes, most of the country stuck not to plasma, but literally to box-like devices called televisions. To laugh at sharp jokes, to listen to songs from distant foreign pop music, performed by spicy panenki and gentlemen from the Satire Theater in fashionable costumes that were not sold in Soviet stores. In general, “Zucchini” was a source of information about humor, fashion, variety art, albeit Eastern, but still European.

And now TV and the satyr brand of the 20th century have been revived in the 21st. With a live orchestra, a large crowd, a quartet of presenters in elegant tuxedos, introducing themselves as:

– Pan Champagne, Pan Vovan, Pan Obayan and Pan Intrigan. And now, when traditions are especially important, – the imposing Champagne emphasized, – we decided to plunge into the cozy, unpretentious atmosphere of those years. There will be no intrigue. There will be no family dramas, scandals, investigations. Today we turn to Soviet cinema. The theme of our evening is film, film, film.

– Pan Champagne, do you hear it coming?

– Who?

– Yes, no one, but what. It’s snowing.

And the pretty Satyr girls in minis, having opened their slender legs, sing: “And it’s snowing, and it’s snowing. And everything around is waiting for something. They sing to the orchestra, and the live sound, of course, gives the new “Zucchini” a special atmosphere.

In form, it is arranged simply and repeats the old one: a light, unburdened by sociality and aggression, the entertainer leads to a song, but not a foreign stage, but a hit of the Soviet stage (this is now our everything, lifesaver), which is witty theatrical. Under “I’ll take you to the tundra”, they put on a fur coat on a round-breasted Brazilian woman, wrap a scarf, bring a glass of vodka, and to complete the assimilation of Russian traditions, they hand out a samovar.

The entertainer of the four gentlemen is not direct and not rude, as it is true, but light with a hint – in general, in the tradition of “Zucchini”. For example, this dialogue:

— Of course, we will talk about cartoons. But we still approach the choice of cartoons with caution. And all this because there is the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. “Cheburashka and Crocodile Gena”, and there is Shapoklyak – this is a scam. “Kid and Carlson” – hooliganism. “The Adventure of Funtik” – the exploitation of child labor. “Two from Prostokvashino” – vagrancy. Therefore, we have selected songs from cartoons in which there will be no ambiguity.

And on the stage, as promised, no second, third and other deep meanings. Just a luxurious, flexible brown-haired woman in a floor-length silver dress with a slit to the thigh, accompanied by a morally dubious type in a white tuxedo (Fyodor Lavrov), childishly insecurely purrs: “Christmas tree, Christmas tree, white outfit … Let this Christmas tree at the festive hour each needle pleases us. At this time, Pan Champagne introduces Pan Maecenas, in the role of which Yury Vasiliev walks around the stage like a trump card.

“Despite the fact that he lives here, all his money is there.

But the form proposed by the group of directors (A.Buglak, S.Zemlyansky, I.Malakov, K.Musa) does not look like just a set of cheerful theatrical performances in retro style. They enter into a large spectacle, which is carried by at high speed. It is musical, plastic, consists of many mise-en-scenes in the first, second, and distant plans. Yes, yes, extras at the bar counter and at tables near the portals or closer to the back of the stage do not serve a number, but play their own game: with dances, with a reaction to what is happening at the moment, and this is also a production. And the active inclusion of all plans, their involvement brings the “Old New Year’s Tavern” to a completely new level.

It works like a time machine, brilliant, in tinsel and the realities of the present with little freeze-frames in the past.

“Song about hares” with a fight, as in the comedy film by Leonid Gaidai. And the song “The January Blizzard Noises” from his own “Ivan Vasilyevich” is presented in the form of a casting of young applicants in the make-up of the heroine Natalya Selezneva. And right there on you – Selezneva in person and in a chair turned towards the audience, as in the Voice program. The audience does not skimp on applause – any phrase, even if it does not deserve attention, is supported. And how not to support the artist, who reports that she did not go on stage for several years – there were no roles. And the holiday has a note of sadness. Artists know the price of sad downtime.

“In general, all our girls,” says Selezneva, who played Mrs. Katarina in the old “Tavern”, whom the host Mikhail Derzhavin introduced as follows: “Mrs. Katarina is so good that she is always right,” they move smartly, they sing, they are pretty. Guys… well… Hollywood. And I read a poem by Konstantin Simonov, which in 1943 he sent from the front to his beloved, actress Valentina Serova. Everyone thought that Katarina would read “Wait for me”, but a philosophical rhyme about the New Year sounds:

plush wolves,

Hares, rattles.

Children are given from the Christmas tree

Kids toys.

And, growing old, children

Until death is useless

All in white

Looking for this tree…

The Nostalgic block, in which today’s day was skillfully mounted, included the memories of Zoya Zelinskaya, whose husband, Georgy Vasilievich Zelinsky, actually invented and did for many years on the domestic TV “Kabachok”. Zelinskaya, who has served in Satire for 60 years, is good with humor. “Now his name is shuddering,” the actress joked. The hall fell silent, and after a pause, set in such cases, she added, “there is a difference in one letter.”

Zoya Zelinskaya revealed the secret of the birth of the legendary Zucchini “13 chairs”. The reason was her … manicure, which she did at the Metropol Hotel in the distant years. And there, in a kiosk, I saw humorous magazines that were previously friendly to us in Poland, Czechoslovakia, Romania, and Hungary. She bought them for mere pennies, brought them to her husband, who opened them and gasped – there were all the characters who later lived in the Tavern – sir Director, sir Sportsman, the bride Katarina, who could not get married. And the name of the TV show was not invented by the editors of Ostankino, but by the audience.

A joke from that “Zucchini”: “Pani Monica got a new apartment. So acoustic that now she hears the rustle of money that her neighbor counts in her imagination.

What else is noticeable “Old New Year’s zucchini?” Here is a parade-alle of acting generations that collide in vocal and plastic numbers. The old guard – Nina Kornienko, Natalya Feklenko, Zinaida Matrosova – are trying to dance the young. Utopia? Perhaps, but no one canceled the courage. And finally, the young composition of Satire is visible – beautiful, light, as always it was in Satire. And it looks like that style is making a comeback. Four different types of hosts can not be forgotten. Especially Pan Obayan – Artem Minin, who, despite the law banning propaganda, you know what, changed his tuxedo for a bright red dress and worked enchantingly as composer Lyudmila Lyadova. The hall howled with talent, and this is not a figure of speech.

When things go to the code, the president will add fire – Alexander Shirvindt, who first told how alcoholics reacted in the cold to the truth about the scene in the bathhouse from The Irony of Fate: that it was filmed not in the Seleznevsky and Palashev baths, but under the stairs at Mosfilm .

– Pause. And one says: “What are you, bitches, people? ..”

For Shirvindt, two sultry “guests” from Tel Aviv sing in Hebrew, which motivates the President of Satire to a joke: “A peasant meets an old Jew:” Are you by chance not a Jew? He: “What is it?” Then the man asks the question: “What year are you now?” The Jew answers: “5732 has come.” “Do you happen to remember how 2023 ended?” And he ended his speech with a poignant monologue, composed by him together with Mikhail Zhvanetsky, when they were only 50. I cannot but quote it in its entirety.

“If I stopped drinking, didn’t spend so much time on women, I would read, write, notice with a sharp eye. Wrote a play, directed a film. I would defend my doctorate, and only then I would drink and spend so much time on women. What am I doing now without all this hassle. Now I can say about myself for sure: “I will never be a student and a blond. Michel Mercier will never love me. And in my younger years, I will not live in Paris, breathe oxygen, speak through an interpreter. I will never lead a large symphony orchestra and I will not direct a film. And I won’t get anything in Cannes. It’s scary to think I won’t get anything in a tuxedo at Cannes. I will not be Uzbek. I will never be a woman. Still wondering how they feel? When I appear, everyone will not get up. Chocolate in bed? Well, I can serve myself, but for this you need to get up, get dressed, cook, then undress, lie down and drink. I will not take seven meters in length. I just won’t take them, because I won’t run away. But even if I run away, I won’t tear myself away. And in that mansion on the embankment, I will no longer appear. And even a simple cruiser under my command will not enter neutral waters. He just won’t come out of ours. And for my paintings will not pay crazy money. And because of my reprises, the circus will not crash and the hall will not shed tears. And the horse under me will not neigh – at least in front of me. And something will not bloom and will not smell of something. And the girl will not say: “I love you.” And mom will not ask: “What did you eat today, my boy?” But then I will tell my son: “Son, I went through everything! I didn’t become this and I didn’t become that. And I will share my experience with you.” (Applause, turning into an ovation.)

And with Vera Kuzminichnaya Vasilyeva, Alexander Anatolyevich, accompanied by guitar accompaniment, will sing their signature number “Everything is as before, everything is also a guitar”, not forgetting to inform that for two of them they are only 185 years old.

And two mass parades – vocal and plastic – effectively completed the “Old New Year’s Tavern”. Bright, breakthrough, uplifting. Been waiting for this for a long time