Shirvindt joked about trousers and age

On Tuesday afternoon, the Theater of Satire opened its 99th season, and in the evening they celebrated the birthday of its honorary president, Alexander Shirvindt. In fact, the date is not round, but impressive in its philosophical content – two eights as a sign of infinity. Yes, it was July 19th. In September, the honorary president celebrated his 88 in a lunatic asylum.

Thank God, not in life, but in the theater – the action of the play, in which Alexander Anatolyevich plays one of the three main roles, takes place precisely in a madhouse. Therefore, they began to honor the birthday man with the play “Where are we?”, Having honestly played two acts. The audience reacted to every cue that the Master gave to the partners as if by the way, with an indifferent look. Partners – Alexander Oleshko and Fedor Dobronravov – worked for the Master.

At the end of the performance, the lunatic asylum continued. Shirvindt, in his stage costume (a red, shabby look, a floor-length dressing gown), was seated in an armchair at the left portal and began to be congratulated. Among the congratulators are Philip Kirkorov, Yuri Galtsev, Fedor Dobronravov, four Shirvindts at once – these are young actors of Satire who tried to parody the original. Two of them definitely managed to capture the intonation, the manner of laughing, charmingly grunting. From the screen he was congratulated by Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov, Director of the Foreign Intelligence Service Sergei Naryshkin – everyone understood the seriousness of Alexander Anatolyevich’s friendly armbands.

At the end of the solemn part, which turned out to be short and not painful for the toast and the audience, the current artistic director of Satire Sergey Gazarov appeared on the stage. In his hands he held an impressive medical document – an examination by the medical commission of the lunatic asylum, where Alexander Shirvindt was finally diagnosed.

“He is the first and only recovered patient,” Gazarov read out. – He was prescribed treatment – treatment is not amenable.

Date is September 6, 2022. (Prolonged applause.)

To this Shirvindt from an armchair in a lordly pose answered favorably:

“Guys, when I saw an iconostasis with my faces on the pediment of the theater (applause), I got a little scared, and then I thought: “What if this is sincere?” (Laughter, applause.)

You know, there is such a wonderful poet Igor Irtenyev, he was not even thirty when he wrote a poem that I remembered in connection with this terrible date of mine. How he calculated this fifty years ahead, I still do not understand. Now I will read.

My name is Ivan Ivanovich,

I am 88 years old.

I don’t take off my pants at night

And I do not put out the light in the toilet.

(Laughter, applause.)

So everything fits. I explain: in order to take off your trousers, you must be sure that someone will put them on you in the morning. This is problematic. And you don’t put out the light, because then you think: “Why did you go there?” (Applause, shouts of bravo.)

It would be nice to come to the next anniversary with the same jokes. The fact is that life slipped by imperceptibly. Another good poet wrote: “Times are not chosen, they live and die in them.” It was wise… Once upon a time, but now, I tell you from my own experience: times began to fly so fast that people do not have time to die in due time. And they are forced to crawl alive in the next time. Because there is no habit and experience: you get used to the previous time, and, it would seem, everything, you are alive, but the time has changed. (Laughter, applause.)

For example, I spent most of my life under slogans and appeals. Mostly mediocre, there were a lot of them, and nothing came true. The only thing they were somehow careful with was communism. I remember these slogans, for example: “Communism is on the horizon.” And the horizon, you know, is an imaginary line that moves away as you get closer. The only honest, competent slogan was “The current generation of Soviet people will live under communism.” What’s the charm? Whatever generation it may be … (Through the laughter of the hall it is impossible to make out, but everything is clear.)

You live all this and think that we need slogans, appeals… But I want to return to the saint. But what is sacred for us is still Russian, Russian eternal – proverbs and sayings. They should be a guiding light. And Chekhov, of course. Chekhov is charming in this, and in the performance of Seryozha (he means the last performance of Sergei Gazarov “George. — M.R.) is pronounced: “Business must be dealt with, friends, business.”

What about proverbs? “Cause time, fun – hour.” But since our profession is pure fun, it means that we must study around the clock, without being distracted anywhere. And then maybe it makes sense to live. Thank you. (Screams of “bravo”, endless applause.)

Published in the newspaper “Moskovsky Komsomolets” No. 28864 dated September 8, 2022

Newspaper headline:
Shirvindt was diagnosed in a madhouse