How series help to cope with everyday absurdity – Weekend
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“Abbott Elementary School”, 2021–
guide for young teachers
In the “poorest school in Philadelphia” first-graders are afraid to walk down the corridor – the lamp has been blinking for a month, like in the movie “It”. In the toilet, water flows from the tank, for lunch the children are not given vegetables or fruits, but among the teachers there is a turnover, like in a bakery. But those who didn’t quit right away act on the principle of “help yourself”: they arrange a vegetable garden in the yard for the school canteen and raise money for educational needs with the help of amateur videos on the Internet. Much is arranged in this way, for which the state is responsible: enthusiasts plug holes created by indifferent and incompetent officials with their bare hands. The best example of selflessness is the young teacher Janine: she herself climbs to change the lamp, de-energizes the whole school – but she does not fall down the stairs!
“Parks and recreation areas”, 2009–2015
Catechism for Officials
It turns out that not all officials are equally useless. The city of Pawnee’s beautification department has a role model, the energetic blonde Leslie Knope. For her, there are no unsolvable problems, she storms any bureaucratic wall built by her own colleagues with fiery enthusiasm. When the department gets a complaint that construction workers left a giant pit near an apartment building, and one of the residents fell into it and broke both legs, only Leslie (and maybe Batman) can make sure that the damn pit is covered, because for utilities services to clean up after themselves – a story from the realm of fantasy. Probably, Leslie could even knock out funding for the Abbott school, if these were not different series.
“It will hurt”, 2022
anamnesis for young doctors
“In the obstetrics and gynecology department, you are sailing alone on a burning ship without any help. It’s a matter of life and death, and you’re smeared with bodily fluids all the time. But where else do you get twice as many patients at the end of treatment? Eat, geriatrics! Only the clothes bills hint that I am working at a loss.” In the bureaucratic British healthcare system, instead of raising salaries, money is spent on tolerance courses for doctors – they teach them not to pronounce the word “disabled”. And doctors take more shifts and work hard until complete burnout. Obstetrician Adam is so tired on shift that he falls asleep in the car, but does not lose his presence of mind, even being “elbow-deep in the patient” – peppy medical cynicism and black humor help him survive on a burning ship.
Cleaner, 2021–
cleaning instructions for cleaners
Cleaners in England are called in not only to clean the living rooms after parties. There are plenty of other options: wash the kitchen, where the missus stabbed her cheating husband, or the office, where the grandmother was killed by a fireplace explosion. Remove the remains of a burned-out electrician in the house of an incompetent blogger and clean the sofa where Churchill was sitting in the house of an old woman who shot a robber: a scoundrel climbed onto a historical sofa with his feet. The role model is Vicky’s imperturbable cleaner, who always has a couple of chemicals in stock and a kind word for the craziest client (and it’s just right to arrange a crazy contest among them).
How to Become a God in Central Florida, 2019
motivational coaching for housewives
What if the husband was cured of alcoholism, but he was seduced by an enterprising manager of a financial pyramid, and as a result, he was devoured by an alligator? The pyramid is like a sect: you can’t just drive at a reasonable price the goods accumulated in the garage, in which the husband has invested all the family’s savings. In addition, it is necessary to bring a dozen more adherents to the supervisor and create a network of distributors. An anti-role model is the widow Crystal, who was left with a baby in her arms and a mortgage in the captivity of a trading pyramid: she will show everyone how to grab the American dream by the tail. It will go over the heads and cross the sectarians of the most stubborn supervisors – because it is better not to anger the so-called “little man” and not push him against the wall.
“Vampires of the Middle Band”, 2021–
sample life strategy for retirees
A large family of vampires from Smolensk is supported by the cares of the oldest representative of the family, Svyatoslav Vernidubovich Krivich, who is also grandfather Slava. The family needs an eye and an eye: adults work for food, young people have psychotraumas and tricks, and the grandson is generally scatterbrained – “What kind of dashing is this, all hell, but we are two.” Without Grandfather Slava, they would have disappeared long ago, even though they are vampires: Grandfather will come to an agreement in the executive committee, and chase the pawnbrokers from the playground, and deal with the police. You just need to listen to him, he is the keeper of age-old folk wisdom: “The main thing is to erect a monument, and the pigeons will fly by themselves.”
“Space Forces”, 2020–2022
manual for the military
An exemplary warrior, Air Force General Nerd, in unearthly circumstances, shows remarkable ingenuity according to the principle “who served in the army does not laugh in the circus.” When the President establishes the Space Force and is about to colonize the Moon, he salutes. When a Chinese satellite cuts off the solar panels of an American one, the general offers to drop a bomb on the enemy, and then repairs his property with the help of a scientist chimpanzee. Researchers working in conjunction with the space forces mock him, PR people plunge him into the abyss of shame. But our warrior is not a blockhead – in any incomprehensible situation, he tries to do the right thing, it’s just that situations become more and more incomprehensible from time to time.
“Bear”, 2022–
a collection of recipes for catering workers
After the owner’s sudden death, Original Chicago Beef is in danger of sinking when Chef Carmi, brother of the deceased and role model, takes over. The guy has been drilled in Michelin cuisine, and he intends to turn the institution into a “solid restaurant run by mature people.” But the subordinates do not want to ripen in any way: the confectioner falls into melancholy because of the donut recipe, the sanitary inspector discovers a hole in the wall from the gas pipe, and the intern accidentally opens a pre-order on the site, and a hundred burgers and fifty fried chickens need to be prepared for the opening. Karmi has no choice – either go to the bottom, or become the lord of chaos.
“Mozart in the Jungle”, 2014–2018
score for classical musicians
A symphony orchestra, according to the principles of its structure, does not differ much from a robber rock band: the same rake is all around, bonfires of ambition, doping and promiscuity. And the same financial problems: the New York Symphony, under the direction of an elderly authoritative classical conductor, has long been aground. A young eccentric maestro with a non-standard approach, Rodrigo De Suzu, is called to save the situation: he brings a parrot to the rehearsal and arranges a concert right on the street – it all ends with fraternization with the locals and the police station. But now the orchestra sounds like it should – be like Rodrigo, listen to the music of the spheres.
“Love and anarchy”, 2020
survival school for office plankton
A business consultant, a pretty woman Sophie, comes to a book publishing house, where notorious smart people wither in anticipation of old age, and in the evening in an empty office she masturbates right at the computer. IT specialist Max is watching her and films misbehavior on the phone. He will try to blackmail her, she will take away his phone – from now on, this couple will set fire to the boring office from four ends: Sophie “weakly” walks around the offices backwards all day, and Max turns a protocol business lunch into a fun farce. The regulated society, of course, will not fall apart from their antics, but the life of both will sparkle with new colors.
“Vice President”, 2012–2019
protocol for inexperienced politicians
Politics is a field of occasional successes and constant failures, where a stupid joke can cost a career. Instead of doing business, politics should be monitored, no matter how something is blurted out, so that the indifferent public does not gobble it up with giblets. Vice President Selina Mayer’s entire apparatus is working hard to clean up the disastrous results of her own zeal. Socially significant decisions are still made behind the scenes in the interests of certain lobbies, and the politician is just a screen for this undercover fuss. But Selina, by some miracle, managed to keep a good face for seven seasons in a bureaucratic swamp, where the entire apparatus is mainly occupied with supporting fake images and serving itself.
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